Sunday afternoon in the park in Winter
and a ghost of the empty iron bandstand haunting
mist as wet as drizzle. Soaked to the shin
in drenched grass in a world of fallen sky -
all pearls and pewter
and the shrubbery dripping like rain.
Path through the mist that leads to the silent lake
where, slow as mourners, two ducks drift and fade
and the frail shade of the island floats becalmed.
All sound swallowed, distance is dissolved
in a world where all that's seen is within reach
and Far and Great and High are only rumour.
Here was that oft-prayed peace at time's slow centre,
walking with railings, trees and grass and water
emerging out of mist to pass beside me
and, passing, fade into the fallen sky.
Here, at the turn of the year between two Summers,
treading the gravelled sky - soaked to the soul
with love of the near-at-hand in that not too far
long ago time before the bell had sounded
and the high gates rose and closed and the stone dogs melted
and the traffic bore him home in its lights and voices,
a small boy once walked in a mist of wonder
before the world grew Far and Great and High
and the lure of Further, Greater, Higher
confused his senses with the false perspectives
that have drawn him to this Here and Now
wherein a man may yet at times be haunted
by the ghost of trees and a boy and silent water.
Author notes
I Remember
In a list
A contest entry
- . by Aurora Ceres.
700 points, ended November 1, 2007, 74 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - All Forms, All Subjects by something wicked.
600 points, ended November 24, 2007, 32 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - " Memories" by wingsofgold25.
500 points, ended May 29, 2008, 17 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poems Please by Violet Moodswing.
875 points, ended June 29, 2008, 54 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 60 of 60
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I like the message conveyed here
but unfortunately this doesn't fit my contest rules
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If I am reading this correctly and I hope I am... there is a sense of confusion, bewilderment and loss of childhood going into adult hood and beyond I guess... Someone at the end of his life just looking back and wishing he were a boy again????? this is how I see it anyway.... Well written piece thank you for entering.... I wish you luck in the contest.... Take care.... hugs and Love Linda xxxxxxxx
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Hi. Yes, you've understood this piece very well, many thanks for taking the time and effort to comment. jimmy
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The imagery is very good in this poem. It is very well written. Thanks for entering!
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Great Poem & Memories!
Very good work! Good luck in the contest!
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I absolutely loved this piece, so I'm sorry to say it's not what I'm looking for in this contest. :\ You did have some beautiful images here though. The "world of fallen sky" was a great metaphor, I loved "gravelled sky" and "Far and Great and High are only rumour" and...just so many things about this. You made a nice use of repetition in a couple of places, and I just think this piece is very nicely written. The last two lines were such a perfect ending to everything else... Thanks for sharing!
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Hi Many thanks - your appreciative comment is worth more than a 'gold', so no matter it was not appropriate to the contest. Thanks again. jimmy
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This is a wonderful write with some amazing imagery. Thanks for entering my contest. Blessings, Patty
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What a picture you paint. Definately the type of poem that would have me thumbing through a volume to find it again. I enjoyed reading it.
Thanks for entering. -
"Rumour", "centre": I'm assuming you're from the UK? Not the US, anyway. (I actually prefer those spellings over the American ones.)
No editorials for you! Will comment on content of the piece when contest is closed for judging. Thank you for your entry! -
very dense with imagery, extremely powerful--looks like you've recieved lots of feedback for this one; thanks for entering this contest- good luck.
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You had some amazing imagery muddled in some seriously complicated phrasing. It took me a few read-throughs to figure out where some of this was going. It was made a little harder because of your use of space - this looks like and is a fairly thick block of text. The main thing here I guess was just how difficult it was to read - taken piece-by-piece this was one of the strongest entries I've read in the last few days but when I tried to put it all together and see what you were talking about, or what overall theme you were trying to speak to, it was a lot tougher.
I really like this on concept - I'd be interested in seeing what it would be like a little more broken up. Nice job though. Thanks for entering.
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When I started reading this it reminded me of one of my poems "THE FORGOTTEN PARK" This was well constructed you did an excellent job.
Thank you for the entry and good luck in the contest. -
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Incredible!
very craft and the presence! OOOOOh man! I was drifting in the solitude of the moment right along with you as I read... Just fantastic... A certain masterpiece!
Best wishes to you in the contest!
~ James ~
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Thanks. I appreciate the compliment - thanks for commenting. jimmy
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ooooooh!
GREAT work. The imagery is awesome, though at times a little hard to follow. I'm not sure how to improve it really, maybe make a few sentences shorter, give some mental breathing space. Overall this piece is fantastic, it reminds me a lot of Frost's stopping by woods on a snowy evening. My favorite part is the bit about the boy walking in wonder, and how the concepts Further, Greater, and Higher taint perspective [infer, breed unsatisfaction/ bring one to the sense of melancholy and need for reflection conveyed here...] Excellent piece, good luck in the contest. I know it's taking me forever to judge, I promise it wont be much longer.
--Shannon -
One heck of a tail well done poet!!!!
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Well, at least you didn't use words that were a half a page long. You've definitely got that. However,I'm not a fan of this kind of poetry since I can't understand metaphors very well. Thank you for entering.
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i like the language used, its simplicity yet well executed thoughts. initially, i thought it would bore me and surprisingly it didn't.
nicely written piece.
Thanks for sharing and keep writing.
HENSLEY
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well written and interesting imagery. overall, great job.
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i didn't notice that i had already commented on this 
what cracks me up is that i quoted the same favorite part at least i'm consistent
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'in a world of fallen sky,
all pearls and pewter'
loved that
excellent ending
thank you for entering and good luck
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Great write. Congratulations on your prior trophies. Thank you so much for sharing and entering the contest. Good luck.
♥
whisper
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Well Thought Out
This was well thought out, I could tell you thought about. Unfortunetly, It is not my kind of poem. It seems more of a short that has tons of brilliant imagery called a poem. Wonderful peice, just not for me. -
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Hi. Thanks for commenting on this piece. I'm sorry you didn't like it - as you indicate, poetry comes in a very wide range, as do people, and I can appreciate the fact you and it are not compatible. Appreciated too, that you did find something kind to say about it. Cheers, jimmy
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Your words have a way of drawing in the reader for a deeper look into things. You have a knack for bringing the mind to dwell upon things one may never have previously. Thank you for entering. Best of luck to you!
Blessings
Bel
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Excellent Writing
Knowing that, in this Universe, ultimately distance and time are the same thing.
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This was a very interesting piece. I enjoyed reading it very much. You painted a very vivid picture here. Also, you portrayed your thoughts very well.
All and all, an enjoyable read.
Thank you so much for entering my contest and I wish you the best of luck. -
I liked this piece a lot. It was worded very well and flowed magnificently. Excellent job. It kept me hooked and your imagery was impecable. Best of Luck and Happy Holidays.
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Bravo! A word-meaty poem ... a line is a terrible thing to waste. These lines IMO stand out:
"where, slow as mourners, two ducks drift and fade"
Also
"treading the gravelled sky - soaked to the soul"
Very enjoyable read, J20J. I shall look for your pieces in the future.
A60sMan
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The last two lines I think were the best. This is a very nice poem. Not really my taste, but pretty good. On a scale from one to ten I'd give it an 8. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck!!!
Megan -
"where, from time to time, a man is haunted
by the ghost of trees and a boy and silent water."
Oh I love those lines! This piece is just so beautiful! The imagery is the best, and I like how the words just passed by! Love it! -
I really like the way you managed to grab my attention with this poem Also the imagery of this piece is outstanding!
Thank you for entering the contest, I wish you the best of luck!
Leander -
Well... I'm amazed truly you pen as most great authors in history. This is an amazing poem. I don't know where to even begin. Right from the start you grab my attention with an introduction to many forget in their poetry. You bring me in and I want more. You take me a long on a mystical journey that seems sad yet pleasant. At the ending I feel a resolve, which in my reading I usually do not like to feel, but in this poem it was very fitting. If I would only write half as great as you have penned this, I would never question if I had the ability to write pieces that move others. Wonderfully written! It will be considered in the running of this contest. Thank you for entering!
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You need to not try to be so trendy and work on the meat of the poem. It's not impressive to play with form if you don't have the basics down. Just my opinion. I do appreciate you sharing your thoughts with us though. Good luck with your poetry.
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Lovely
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Guilty (Everybody's guilty)
Thanks for entering my contest, I will comment after it is over. -
This is a very sophisticated piece. I really like it. A lot. I think it is a individual piece.
Thanks -
Beautiful. Simply beautiful. It's wonderfully descriptive, and your words make it easy to imagine what is happening; it truly takes us there.
This poem is wonderful.
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Great Imagery!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Great imagery was displayed in this piece of poetry. I liked the title as it was very fitting!!! It starts out a little haunting, and I like how it goes from his childhood thorughout the years into the here and now when he is an older man. A tinge of nostalgia here and there gives a warming sense to this piece as well. I thank you for sharing this piece with me tonight it kind of brought a little nostalgia my way as well!!!~~Toni~~
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this is a write full of imagery. you did a great job with this one and i am wishing you the best of luck in this contest that you have entered. viyanna rosemarie
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This is a great poem.
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A great piece, I loved the imagery...it really brought me to that place. Beautiful.
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wooow. amazing imagery!
'all pearls and pewter
and the shrubbery dripping like rain.'
very interesting!
this is absolutely gorgeous.
'soaked to the soul'
omg! lol i am SO inspired!
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should 'shin' in line 3 be 'skin'?
I enjoyed this the description of nature is very real. 'in a world of fallen skies all pearl and pewter' is my favorite
excellent use of 'far and great and high' too.
your talent with words is obvious
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Hi. Many thanks for your comment. Re line 3: "soaked to the shin" is an evocation of trouser cuffs drenched from walking through wet grass. Thanks again for taking time to read and comment on this piece. Cheers, jimmy
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great imagery
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captivating
i was walking there with you,it took me on a personal journey too.lines from a country song which i think apply to poetry too: a picker mostly does for others what he is doing for himself.
anyway this poem does it for me great writing.
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very good. this stands out among a plethora of other entries thus far. dusty
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Love the imagery and the story. Great write!! Good luck
Leslie -
It’s quite a deep tale with vivid and strong imagery. I enjoyed the hints of nature throughout the poem as well as your word usage. This was very unique. Thank you for your entry. Best of luck in my contest and the others that you have entered this wonderful poem into.
- Andi
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Good
Very interesting poem. It had a nice flow in the words.
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Great expressions, great use of your words helping us picture this tale. Good job with the piece, thanks for sharing your work and good luck in your contest entries.
Jen -
:)
Brilliant poem
I love it
Full of imagination
Great job
Good luck in my contest
From Jaz <3 -
A very beautiful and nostalgic scene you've managed to draw up with your words here. It just flows from one image to the next so well! tc - Alex
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Okay, so that was strange. The imagery is lovely, I had to read the poem kind of fast and just get an airy idea of all the thoughts together rather than trying to slow down and savor individual thoughts. The idea is creative. Thanks for entering.
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This is a wonderful poem ...
It actually reminds me of haiku (the imagery, I mean) in one sense, and it speaks volumes in a few words. I normally prefer rhyme, of course, and this almost begs to be a rhymed poem, but it works on all it's myriad levels, and works well. Kudos on a job well done.
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Hullo mate. Just to thank you for your comment on my piece "Once Upon a Time Ago". I particularly appreciate your insightful critique as this piece is such a personal evocation that I hesitated long before posting it here as I wondered if it would work for others. So, thanks again my friend. Cheers, jimmy
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It's a great poem ...
and that's rare enough here that I was happy to find it.
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