November, I Hate You

I'll leave you be, you don't need me
You've carved out a home for yourself
And I, I don't belong there
Out among your new dreams and skies.
Memories are always golden
And I fight to cover them in charcoal
So I can see you smile without
Missing a beat of my heart

November, I hate you
But I remember when I loved you

Stay back, stay back- away!
But I invite you in the same
Gritting my teeth as I watch you
I paste on a smile and delicate wings
And wait for the two-edged sword to fall
We're safer apart;
But I despise the distance
That I can't learn to accept

I wish you'd tell me how much you regret
That you even looked my way
Make me believe you hate me
Say you want to see me cry
Then I could build this wall again
And use bricks made of pain
With a scattering of rage
I'd glare and growl, and that'd be safer

November, I hate you
But I remember when I loved you

Safer indeed than this damnable fluttering
Like a butterfly trapped in glass
Frantically beating useless wings against the cage
I pace and flit about, uneasy within
I don't trust myself with you-
Unless your words meant nothing
Tell me they did, since they resound in my head
Shards of frozen love and poetry...