Barriers broken I try not to stare
Amazing beauty, her skin, her hair
Her faith in me, her truth, her bond
Day by day I grow more fond
My heart, my soul, it speaks with fire
To be with you, joy's truest desire
Our journey together, I accept for life
21 years young I found my wife
Through Gods love, my soul finds its mate
Under Heaven, I know my fate
This amazing woman, through her I'm whole
For her love I will bear any toll
Until the day I gaze upon her face
I will smile and live for her effortless grace
Author notes
This is a poem written by my bf who is convinced that he sucks at writing. I of course think otherwise, however, I want an opinion from others to see what you think on it.
What did you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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This is not bad ...
and has only one major error:
To be with you, joy's truest desire
(should be "To be with her, joy's truest desire")
A poem should stay in one person throughout. Since he starts with "she", he should continue with third person thoughout.
Otherwise, it is fine as it is. He has what it takes to write poetry, and that's the answer to your question.
Hopefully he is not in harm's way, wherever he is. Hopefully, life will treat you both well. Hopefully the war will be over soon and you won't have to worry about that.
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tell him thank you for his services to this country first of all, I believe that all of us have some thanking to do. Secondly, Tell him that this piece was amazingly written, and the rhythem was exceptional. I really enjoyed it!!
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I love this!
It's so cute and so sweet!
Tell your boyfriend he's in need of a check up from the neck up if he thinks this isn't above superb!
My only corrections would be in these spots:
"Her faith in me, her truth, her bond" I think would sound better as "Her faith in me, her trust, her bond" because that's all those things you have in him.
And 'joys' should be 'joy's' but other than that, I can't find any fault.
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this is good. VEry darn good. It's not every day you see something like this written by a guy. You are lucky. Very touching poem.
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awwwww. that is so sweet. and it definitely did something to restore my damaged faith in guys' ability to love. the honesty and emotion just bleeds through every line of this poem. he's a keeper
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Well, your bf doesn't suck at writing! It was really pretty, and you are a lucky woman!
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love is the air.. hohoho.. he's the one.. my heart, my soul, it speaks with fire. gosh!
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Yeah, I think this poem is pretty good. Tell you're bf he's a good writer.
Pooja.
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