tuesday shade
is a hungry alley-cat
who crouches in the streets;
trees are businessmen
slouched on sidewalks
with cigarettes clutched
between their claws;
there’s a glaucous
midday whisper
which hums like smoke
between
cancer and the branch.
hung-over
cloud shapes
curve themselves into
pastel animals who walk
on concrete paths beside
humans
wishing they’d caught
a different disease.
mock-heaven
echoes in 1 million windows
stretching higher than church steeples
like the eyes of the drunk
mirrored
into disco balls.
Author notes
picture inspired: http://angelreich.deviantart.com/art/Double-Clouds-63406629
xx
In a list
A contest entry
- pif - building by Melissa Gayle.
500 points, ended September 19, 2007, 5 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite me! ~~ One day only ~~ 500 points to Gold, will be judged tomorrow. by Naridill.
625 points, ended September 28, 2007, 145 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
critique welcome.
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Intriguing but a little too in your face, no secrecy, but simple out there. Which in some parts works well but a little too much. Apart from that, the imagery was beautiful, as well as the creativity, nicely done.
Much luck -
OMG!!
You are just 16??? You write like a master poet already, who has been writing their entire life. Cascading radiance trickles down every word in your poetry, spilling into the next line, with boundless devotion. You are extremely gifted as a poet.
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oh wow.
this is the epitome of a lovely sliver of poetry.
absolutely stunnnning.
your descriptions always take my breath away. -
Wow
This piece is brilliant. Congratulations on your well earned gold. A pleasure to have read this today. ~Pamela
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Excellent images! This is full bodied and overflowing. Wonderfully done!
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THe metaphor is a little direct, by that I mean you answer our imaginations questions, bbut I like the way you went with that, it was very unique
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"trees are businessmen
slouched on sidewalks
with cigarettes clutched
between their claws;" Oh. my god LOVE those lines!!!
I also love "pastel animals who walk
on concrete paths beside
humans
wishing they’d caught
a different disease"!
Plus, doll, the last stanza is just amazing.
Keep up the mind-boggling work, honey!
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