“it is the way it is because it wants to be,"
Franz says, stamping his pen on the tv;
Lisa stomps from the room to go and sit
under her favorite tree where the leaves
are upside down and only slightly green.
I have to deal with Franz
whose sleeves are ink-stained
because he doesn’t believe in modern things.
he talks about the Law, and says there should be trials,
and walls. Lisa talks to the tree
pulling leaves
waiting for the end of days
the rising moon
the sculpted spoon
that Vincent made,
and I say, “Well, he was mad too.”
and the sky spews colors
and she carries her leaves home,
Franz mumbles something about a poem
borrows a pen
and falls asleep in another room.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
-
Interesting
this piece was somewhat intriguing
but I had trouble understanding where
you were trying to go with it.
was it meant to be some kind of
script for a play or something?
anyway, you did manage to keep
it somewhat interesting and for that
I say good job
-
This made me smile. Thanks.
-
very good
-
"and then there were seven..." Arcane and estoeric in the extreme, meaning(s) perhaps many or none. A fine example of the post modern style I think? loved it!
-
This reads like another episode in a continuing story - frustrating, because Franz Kafka is there with van Gogh, I have no idea who Lisa is, and the narrator - well, he knows and accepts the vagaries of the others, and I accept that.
Stunning imagery, clever poetic devices, quick segues in time and place - altogether dream-like, yet building for itself an entity. A poem.
-
ahh commune, commune, farmed in madness indeed, tis here a-framed in days like these and tis indeed inflamed in mine heart...bravo!
w a box a cookies and a vat of chai
-Jas :
-
reminds me of dream fragments.
put together with the slightest bit of nonchalance.
and the mundane absurdity of long time relationships.
or maybe it just reminds me of a dream I had....
I'm not sure.
-
i really like how it all flows together. i had to read it at least a couple times to really find the true meaning and to understand it completely. i think you did a really good job putting your emotions to paper for this piece. good job, keep writing
-
i've always tried to explain to the poets that i've helped with their work to try refrain from explaining your poetry in your work, and let the reader decide for themselves what the poem means to them ...
this piece could have been easily taken too far with too much explaination, but it didn't need it, and you've done a wonderful job at putting this together ...
this is a great example of capturing just a mere fragment of "life" that surrounds us all (the carnival)
very well done ... *cheers* -
very good.. such a distinctive voice you have. Very unique. i liked this too.
-
This is...beautifully written. It flows in such an amazing way, and makes you want to read it over and over again. I love the setup of the poem, the breaks in lines and everything. ...I feel very tongue tied about this! I can't put into words the way this piece made me feel but it's definitely something good. You have a very distinct voice and reading what you write just feels good. If that makes any sense.
-
the leaves are upside down, the world is upside down
assonance,
inner rhyme,
delicious bits to writhe on the tongue
-
This was interesting, almost like a little glimpse into these two people's lives, like how they might feel. I really liked this. It was wonderfully done. Great job here. Good luck in the contest. God Bless!
-
well..I'm not sure, exactly...rather "through the looking glass" to me...but maybe I'm just not in teh right frame of mind....there were a few places I really liked...teh description of Lisa's tree, for instance, and Franz's shirt...I'm just not sure where the whole thing was going...
-
hmmm.... very interesting the title caught my eye it sounds so simple in a really pretty way I liked it it was very unique
-
Christ you're hard work! Sometimes Lute I think I only resent the time I have to put into even the most tenuous beginnings of understanding when it comes to your work... Other days I think I resent the time AND the effort I have to put in as I begin the fifteenth read.
Today I think I resent the fact it is ALWAYS worth the effort! This piece is no exception... Mike
-
seems to me like, mehbee Lisa stompeth too much and i know this is going to sound really wieerd (weired? wired?) strange is that my wife and i did this very scene just last week, or last month, or - - ok, well it was something she said and there was a pen, and i remember falling asleep so that was really close. I am not sure what it is about your writing that is so attractive. That you do dialogeu (dialonge, dialglue -dangit) speaking parts, really well, is so very obvious but the way you enmesh the characterizations with imagery, its not only engaging, but down right entertaining.
Blessings and best wishes,
~richard :f
dixlesics cnat spell
-
mebbe Franz is PV ?? i dunno
maybe it is all the thoughts of the sky, they all want to spew and spur forth, maybe if you dipped your nib into the sky, you could write a star as Vincent painted them blue and grey and yellow?
he saw alot in yellow- yes
sleep is yellow
as the moon is cheese
and mumbled words fall
asleep in the chair
Lisa sits there
cross-legged and lithe
me thinks it is a good poem and i don't know who everyone is... but hey, it don't matter
they are museful and delightful
-
Lottsa people in this poemer. All of them the same only different but surely somewhat the same. Franz reminds me of Kafka who could also be I and Vincent is Van Gogh cause he makes the sky spew colors and the moon a spoon. And Lisa, well everyone knows Lisa, she's been around forever and ever only she is always different and definitely always the same too.
Carnival yup.
Good luck in the contest and all.
Lisa
-
I think I was here too. That was me in the earth patch looking for carrots or potatoes but picking bunches of pretty weeds.
-
I really don't relish commenting on this after mr Adelman
as I'm confused if you like to be cussed at, or insist on it. He sounds like he likes to cuss at you. To each his own.
I liked this, and thought it a bit like David and Lisa without the rhymes she liked so much. "Moon and spoon" of themselves pretty simplistic but with the little stutter between them made them take on a new phase.
I'm not doing too good here, hate commenting, but like reading good stuff, which this is.
Bluff
-
First, I like this
Second, I am dull headed and this is my failing as a reader, but I am having trouble with the Franz-Lisa and Lisa/Narrator relationships. I suck like this and you may now ignore me.
Third, fuck you for having such a distinct and fully inhabited voice. I always spot the Lute in everything you write - and I mean that as one of my highest possible compliments, especially since you write such a variety of stories and themes.
Fourth, I liked this.
-
lovely piece
-
A VERY GOOD PIECE
it reads like a story very good and good luck in the cpntest and thank you for sharing this -
your talent for writing is very apparent in this poem of yours. thank you for sharing your talent with me tonight, good luck in this contest thatw you have entered adn i am looking forward to reading more from you in the near future. viyanna rosemarie
-
Good
I liked, it. reminded me of flashbacks that you have kinda.
-
Franz reminds me of my Father. He used to write his grades in his gradebook (he is a teacher) with a feathered ink quill and ink from the 1800's(family eirloom i guess) he also uses a typwriter.
great write -
What you don't know is that Lisa uses those leaves to wallpaper her bedroom.
And Franz writes in his sleep.
-
Whatcha been smokin'?
Adding your comment:
1 - 29 of 29
