A childlike mind malnourished
With time will maliciously flourish.
All innocence perished by hate.
Tremor of itself.
And never in a peaceful state.
In the light of day,
No one notices.
In the shade of night,
It’s too dark to see
That this childlike mind has developed to be
A spiteful character with no direction,
And a mentality filled with a great infection.
Troubled by life,
They make harmful decisions.
Too incisive to envision
The glory and love that round them in air,
To see necessities such as breaths as something rare.
Tired of existence,
And weary of pain,
They slice their throat,
And bleed their guilt down the drain.
Author notes
Option 1
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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This is a very good write which i enjoyed reading.
The flow was good and it had a lot of emotion behind the poem. My favourite part was:
"In the light of day,
No one notices.
In the shade of night,
It’s too dark to see"
Good luck in my contest
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Very deep. I loved the ending. It gave it true meaning. Great Job!!!
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This is a really good poem. I like it a lot. Even though it rhymes. I'm not a big fan of a poem rhyming, but this one does it in a artful way. Keep up the good job.
Dani -
Geez! this is such a good write, I can't believe you haven't won any trophy's for this yet.
well, I Like it.
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I tried to win some, but I guess didn't work out
.... it's okay though. I'm glad ya like it. Much love.
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This is really good! I thought it was great, my favorite part was
In the light of day,
No one notices.
In the shade of night,
It’s too dark to see
Very good!
Good job!
And thanks for entreing my contest!
-Erin -
"down the drain"
not just that though that's bad enough. The piece made me thing of people in important positions who are sometimes like that as well as the people who end up in jail, etc.
Interesting to read.
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very well delivered piece here comming to check you out as i know you know who i am because you viewed my piece Tonight a day ago i think you did well good luck in the contest
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Thank you for bearing in mind that I said no cutting and for the note you left. This poem was hard for me to read as it is on a subject that I do not normally like but you have seperated it showing me the difference between this and other cutting poems. It shows a lot of pain and anguish without having to give me too many gory details. Many thanks for entering my contest.
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Thank you! I enjoyed it. Sorry again about the cutting..it just kinda wasn't it without it. Hope you have a good day
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I don't know if your note was directed at me or at another judge, but I personally have no problem with it. Having been there myself, I can identify with it. Great write. Thanks so much for your entry!
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yeah. The note wasn't to you, but I'm glad you liked it. Thank you and good luck with your contest.
~Sarah Lee~
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OMFG. You got this from making RICE? LMFAO! Wow, i seriously love this one. I love the wording too.
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