Your eyes recede into shadow
old dark pits lined
with hardship
hardships untold
hardships half remembered
hardships creviced down deep
to the veins of your soul
cracked like the rugged soles
of your feet
deep fissures opened to
flush red ores of pain
Your cheeks your brows have learned
to express for
expressionless eyes
half sincere smiles crushed
against almond corners
reluctant wrinkles creased
by iron will
into permanent press
the ancient rage somewhat
concealed beneath skin
taut with fading memories
Your lips spread a pale thin line
neither frown nor grin
into silence
jaw set like sculptured stone
unmoved by the artistry
of experience and time
countless moving moments
but a wind
on your granite resolve
to hold forever firm
in the face of change
In a list
Thoughts, Feelings, Interpretations, Experience:
Comments
-
feeling older, changed inside...
didn't read this as a changing of an exterior image, but more as a inner change. there are times when our reflection shows what others don't see, something visible only to our own eyes. ah, I have seen that, a past or future taking over the present, for a moment, just for a moment.
-
Could Be Better
I got to admit Erin... This wasn't your greatest poem. I think you should stick to imagery and metaphors.
To me, this poem talks about a person aged with wisdom. There's quite a lot of emotion going on in this poem, but others might not understand it. You focus on the human body as what I would call a "destroyed temple" instead of glorifiying it. Is that what you were trying to do? When you spoke of the smile you made it seem very... dull and unwanted. My head has a clear picture of a very ugly person.
I can't wait to read some of your other poems, I'll read another one tonight, you better return the favor. God Bless you Erin, miss you.
-
For me this was a poem where I had to read it outloud for me to really understand it. I like the way you describe a face but use metaphores to describe it even more.
"jaw set like sculptured stone
unmoved by the artistry
of experience and time"
I like those three lines..for some reason they seem really appealing to me. For me its a hard poem to really interpret but I do say I like the way you have written it.
-
Self Portrait?
A different version of "beads" ...it seems that way anyways...
"Your eyes recede into shadow
old dark pits lined"
this seems like a dark experience with yourself...
"jaw set like sculptured stone
unmoved by the artistry
of experience and time
countless moving moments"
in the ways of belief I disagree...
"on your granite resolve
to hold forever firm
in the face of change"
sometimes change is for the better...helps you see the never downing situations of life in a different light...
"the ancient rage somewhat
concealed beneath skin
taut with fading memoriesz"
another type of forgiveness...
I went to Three Beans after school today and I realized something about myself...I am no longer ackward when talking to complete strangers...I can strike up the most interesting conversations with just about anybody...simply starting with "Hi, I see you here a lot...lets talk..."..lol...and to my suprise it doesn't phase them..like a complete stranger starts random conversation with them every day...or maybe it was because I was in a coffee shop..lol...don't know...but I am comfortable talking and goofing off and being myself with anyone and not caring about their thoughts but rather with my own...about how i feel talking like old friends with someone I have never met...I found it beautiful..and I will probably never see them again...just another day in what my life is going to be like from now on... I have no idea why this poem brought these thoughts on but it did...maybe the whole self portrait thing...the way you see yourself is really what you are..or will be eventually....I saw myself forever as outgoing but could never get there until recently...I like it...now I just have to see myself as a successful writer..lol
Kay Laon
Adding your comment:
