My heart cries "Love's forever, never will it die"
My head says "That's not clever. However loud you cry,
there is no tie
that passing time wont sever.
'Time takes' and 'Time erases' are phrases old but true.
Though love, when passion blazes, raises hopes anew,
soon me and you
will be pushing up the daisies."
But, despite my head's endeavour, however much it try
to make my heart be clever, "Whatever" is its reply -
"Though lovers die,
Love is here forever."
Author notes
Don't know what you'd call this form - it's an adaptation of the form used in "Sunlight in the Garden" by Louis Macneice. Rhyme scheme is complex. 4 lines per verse. Lines 1 & 2 with rhyme A/A "mirrored" at middle of line and rhyme B at end of both lines. Line 3 with end rhyme B and Line 4 with end rhyme A
In a list
A contest entry
- Off the Beaten Path by Shattered Remains.
600 points, ended October 17, 2008, 16 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - FORM POETRY---III by rinzurajan.
400 points, ended November 20, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
-
can u kindly give me a lil more info about this form...else i will have to delete u...since others are following the rules...
-
-
Re Form
Added to A.N. jimmy
-
-
lovely poem...clever and full of poetic wit!
WAY TO WRITE!
ears/Seattle/Kathleen
-
This was nice
The last 3 lines were my particular favourites.
Thanks for entering my contest with this lovely write
Best of luck to you
xoxo. -
Yep, this was what I was looknig for in this contest, very creative from both your head and heart..
-
A nice write...not really what the contest calls for though. Thank you for entering.
Sam
-
-
Fine. Thanks for the compliment. jimmy
-
-
"to make my heart be clever" ... nice line. Thank you for entering
-
Romantic in a sort of way
That was awesome. I loved how it was so short, sweet and too the point.
As the "Romantics" would say, there is now a time to fall in love again, but not with love, with your words.
This was just a fabolous idea for a poem.
Well written and great vocabulary and it is so smooth...oo lala :]
Thank you for sharing this with me.
It is very much appreicated.
Have a wonderful day.
God Bless.
Good luck.
~only1love4ever -
-
Hi. What a lovely comment! I really appreciate it - especially as my creative locker seems pretty empty right now so you've really bucked me up. Many thanks! Cheers, jimmy
-
-
this was an enjoyable read. Thank you for the entry.
-
This was well written thanks for entering this in my contest and i wish you the best of luck.
-
Thank you for sharing your favorite poem with me, best of luck in the contest.
♥
whisper
-
A short yet excellent piece! Well done!
-
Very romantic...you have a way with lovers' words in speaking them effortlessly
-
liked this alot
-
wow, good write!
-
Amazing poem amazing title. Love poems at this length with this amount of emotion reallly touvh me and my reading pleasure at its peak. Thanks. I love this part:
"Though lovers die, Love is here forever." -
Really lovely. Sounds like an oldpoetr classic sincere masterpeice. I love te creativity within espeacially in the first lines.
Really lovely. A nice sentiment
-
nicely written. i love it. sorry i can't say more but i'm in a rush. which family would you like to be? please reply asap.
EX: The Obstinate Heart (family member you want to be)
~Dani~ -
true love always lasts
xoxo
misty
-
-
Amen to that, Thanks for the Fav. Humbled. jimmy
-
-
I like how you used internal rhyme. I wouldn't have rhymed the same words, I like things and words to be fresh, unless in the repetition of a word is effective. I didn't find "however" to be effective. But then again, it was the right word for trying to get the point across. Still, I would have tried to word the line different.
I did like this, I applaud you for writing this poem with such a complex rhyme scheme.
Thanks for entering and good luck. -
-
Hi Tyler. I really wrote this piece to test myself in response to your challenge re middle & end-line rhyming and entered it just to let you see it. I'm with you on 'same word' rhymes so have no qualms about passing this one by, but, having chosen a form that gobbles up the rhymes, I had to fall back on recycling when I ran out of words ending in 'ever'. I enjoyed the challenge so thanks for that and for taking time to comment. All the best with your contest. Cheers, jimmy
-
-
daisies break the flow with a shock
-
great conversational tone
and wise words -
-
Hi Matt. Thanks for the comment. I have enjoyed reading your work and will be re-visiting. Cheers, jimmy
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 27 of 27
