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Foolish



 

I realized,
as your eyes spoke
with no apologies between
my mind's screams
of love and hate,
pain is a metaphor

for life.


Confusion's ball tumbles
haphazardly down question's staircase
to a pit of no answers;
left to float in a sea
of molted emotions grown cold
beneath ashen layers
of spiteful loneliness.


Like the detailed ship
in a bottle you cannot touch

my tears etch despair
in outlines
of superficial dreams created

by you.



Contemplation sits upon
a razor's edge
kissing the flesh of imagination,

waiting for fantasy's plea
of 'don't kill me'
as sinister laughter bellows

behind doors with rattling knobs
teasing fear to sanity's cusp;


and yet,
I sat with a smirk,
as you walked away
with a smug strut of overconfidence,
reminded of all the lies spewed

but taking faith in knowing
what goes around comes around
and you should know


          ...don't shit where you sleep.




Author notes

Picture credit: "Sea Breeze" by Emma Freeman

My Quote: Don't shit where you sleep!


Celticmoon

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Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • Cupcrazy
    May 5, 2008

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    Well I read and commented before and I still love love love it, the last line is just perfect and the flow and imagery in this piece is wonderful. Simmering with emotion to perfection. Thanks for the great entry doll Hugs, Bunny


  • Swan song gold member
    April 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Now that is truly a very good idea I liked this poem esp the whiticism in the end well done!!!!!!1

  • Cupcrazy
    January 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is just wonderful, I loved it


  • blackday
    November 25, 2007

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    Seriously Bel, that last line was the stinger for me. The previous stanzas were great, as always, but that last line was the sinker. :]


  • Cherokee
    November 25, 2007

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    It's a good one for sure. One of my favorites I have read of yours. I love the ashen layers of spiteful loneliness. Never heard it put quite like that. And, of course, that last line just makes me want to slap somebody.


  • Ryno
    November 25, 2007
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    I love you Bel and the poem and ESPECIALLY the ending


  • Moons Lunar Angel
    September 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This deserved gold.
    I love you always


  • just rob gold member
    September 23, 2007

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    A lesson

    I have cast aspersions on a sort of poetry {"with the pre-requisite joke at the end"} that seems to rot my brain from the halls of acedemia lately.The second reading was aloud, as this sort of called out for an Ani DiFranco sort of being. Very good language and image, as well as that seldom seen perfect ending. Homespun philosophy is still hard to beat.

    This has opened my eyes to read more openly. Who knows, perhaps there really is Haiku written in English, despite the annoying nature of American "experts".




  • leo2
    September 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I suppose every dog has his day but when the gig's over only a fool would stay and watch it fall apart. This message strikes close to home for me. Best of luck in the contest.

    Sincerely,
    Leo Long


  • Touchof1der silver member
    September 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Holy shit woman... your muse was not only moving at mach spped but was traveling in overdrive across the page here as well. Nobody could have done a better job than what you have here. There is no way to top perfection.
    ♥ Touchof1der


  • poetryality silver member
    September 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Loved; "Pain is a metaphor for life". That lines bites with its reality! Ah...Your second stanza could be read aloud again, and again...It is chalked full of emotion and visually engulfing. These words share pain, and heartache that should never be when love is involved. True love, that is.

    I love the reference to "the ship in a bottle". I always wanted to get my hands on that ship, and couldn't without breaking the bottle itself but then...what would be the purpose, the art would become destroyed. Excellent stanza there dear poet.

    Your third stanza spews well the venom, anti-trust, anger, resentment, that is the residue of a liar's tales. The webs we weave sometimes ensnare us as well as the creatures we spin them to snare. Karma is the real pistol here.

    The last lines reads triumphant to me. It's almost as if you allowed the villain to go their own way, knowing that's what was going to happen anyway.

    And the last line is the ultimate clincher! Now why would anyone want to stink up the bed of a good relationship with feces? What idiots are born and bred? I hope this person wallows in the stink poet. You have shed them well with these words. I would suggest that you never walk this way again. All that glitters ain't gold, and well...you said it best.

    The shit is hard now. Maybe a vacuum cleaner will get it up. But the residue, and stain will serve as a great reminder!

    Brilliant! Bravo!

    I can't judge this damn contest. Why did I do this anyway? I wish you well in the final Round.


    Much Love & Many Blessings ♥

    Renee



  • EvilKate
    September 18, 2007

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    What a strong tone and vivid voice. I read this and our other esteemed entrant before I'd fully mapped my own - and I have to say, both pushed me to reach deep.

    Absolutely love that final pivot line ... twists everything at the timid start into a perfectly defiant conclusion!


  • HeavenonEarth
    September 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    You Go Girl!

    I don't think I could come up with a complimentary comment on this one since reading arkbear's comment so I must just agree with his and second it!
    I will say you penned this with perfection and tastefully done with class dear friend!
    Love the ending. I know too many too well that may have a bad habit like that but, then again..
    better to find out now ...then later.
    You know you don't want that kind for long now do you? They can only fool you for a little while and then Karma comes around and takes care of them for you. An awakener I call them, they awaken your weak spots and then when you strengthen them... they are gone -just like they should be.
    Yep taste is much better than that


  • Arkbear gold member
    September 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    A Rich Write ~

    Impressed with your ability to *Show*..instead of just *telling*,

    as sooo many Poets want to do ~

    I liked watching you getting your thoughts together, and after that,

    you ran with it and didn't look back ~

    I think this is a great entry....

    seriously....this is very well penned and with just the right

     amount of imagery to paint the picture for us,

    without gobbing up your write with over-kill spilled Ink ~

    I felt the 3rd * 4th stanzas are Genius...and the powerhouse behind this write ~

    Nice way to wrap it all up as well....but the last line seems to be stronger

    if you placed a few ( ...... ) in front of *don't*,

    as this will carry the Reader in one breath downward to end their thought ~

    Very nice Bel Darlin....and the best to you with this wonderful entry ~

    Bear ~


  • Mad Moon silver member
    September 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    YIKES!! Girl, this is superb!! What a forceful voice you throw in this powerful write. Love how you start with an intimidated feeling, and then turn it around to a "you're not going to beat me" attitude! You go girl!!
    "....Contemplation sits upon
    a razor's edge
    kissing the flesh of imagination,
    waiting for fantasies plea
    of 'don't kill me'"....."
    LOVE the metaphor here! How perfect to make thee lines "stab" into the reader's core. Well done, my friend!! Different for you, but stellar none-the-less!! I LOVE it, and I suspect Renee will, as well. Brava!!


  • Griswold silver member
    September 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I"m thinking makes a pretty crappy bedfellow, and one that might not smell too good either. Best of luck in the contest... Scott

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