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Liberty

Missing image

Liberty

I finally made it, to the top
Slipped and fell about twenty times
You think I’d quit, you think I’d stop
Ran from the cops for all my crimes

Slipped and fell about twenty times
The sign said “Stop” not safe up here
I paid for it with bumps and grinds
Ran from the cops, I have no fear

You think I’d quit, you think I’d stop
Now look at this bruise, on my face
He tore my blouse, that nasty cop
Got away, it was quite a chase

Ran from the cops for all my crimes
They ripped my blouse and tore my dress
This line don’t fit, at least it rhymes
How did I get in such a mess?

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Retourne:
Like so many other French forms, the Retourne is all about repetition. It contains four quatrains (four-line stanzas), and each line has eight syllables. The trick is that the first stanza's second line must also be the second stanza's first line, the first stanza's third line is the third stanza's first, and the first stanza's fourth line is the fourth stanza's first. Retournes do not have to rhyme.

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Ithica silver member
    November 19, 2007

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    Now what? She has beaten herself to a pulp, and made it to the top alright. Now she has nothing left up her sleeve. In fact she barely has any sleeves. Does she want her freedom bad enough now, to do a swan dive to...??? Hmmmmm! It is quite the mess for sure! How funny the jokes on HER!


  • second-born
    September 22, 2007

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    oh my...such an interesting retourne...the last two lines just blew my mind away...and it did put a smile in my face...you're so clever...hehehe...


  • Glasyalabolas
    September 17, 2007

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    I have only came across this form once before so far on here and you have made it work very well for this piece, especially with the added factor of ryhming.

    Good write.


  • HaleyMary
    September 17, 2007

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    Great write. As always your form is perfect without a hint of a stumble. Great rhyming flow, too. I like the pic you chose for this piece, too. You did well with this poem. Keep writing.


  • Pisces Pieces
    September 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Lol, very cute! A somewhat (seemingly) serious situation until the end, where it makes you smile regardless...

    What's to say that has not been said, you're gifted, in many ways

    I really like the picture, you find the best ones! (I saw the new one on Alexandre's Dream-very beautiful!)

    ♥


    • Amera gold member
      September 17, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      hehe... it's your fault! I read your Retourne and had to write another one myself.


  • Griswold gold member
    September 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You are something else!!! I'm cracking up over the same line everybody else is, well your not as strict as you let on huh? You can have a little fun once in a while I enjoyed this one... Scott


  • sunny day
    September 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I love the line, "This line don't fit, at least it rhymes" and I have to say her dress got torn big time. Not much left there at all. That is an awesome picture you found to relate this comical retourne to. I love the fact also that you still get them to rhyme although it isn't a requirement of the form itself. You just brought a big smile to my face and a gave me a good laugh to go along with it. Thank you for sharing in your greatness once again. I have to go back and read again, I loved it so much. Best wishes in the contest, it sounds golden. Love you my friend, Joyce


  • Cerulean Sunrise gold member
    September 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is awesome.
    LOL - "This line don’t fit, at least it rhymes"

    Much Love


  • JohnnyD gold member
    September 17, 2007

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    Oh! her....Well...uhhhh....I was about fifteen steps behind her, and uh, all I wanted to do was discuss her choices of Star bucks and she like freaked and ran all the way up to the top of liberty and when I finally cornered her she pulled a Schrade knife with a four inch blade. So I decided some charm would work and said; "Hey, either go to dinner with me or kill me okay?" (The fifth stab wound to the chest missed my heart by four MM. I'll recover but never over my new nickname, Freddy Kruger. )


    Dad


  • PerVirtuous
    September 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I love this, especially L15! I love your sense of humor. You rock. Ha ha ha. Three excited bunnies.

1 - 11 of 11