gnashing teeth
stifle murderous
declarations.
subject impaled from eyes
instead.
Author notes
rage
A contest entry
- WORD ECONOMY CHALLENGE! Ten-Word Poems... by TooRainbow.
675 points, ended September 23, 2007, 21 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Emotions. by pancake.
580 points, ended May 23, 2008, 22 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
That was a great read. I love the bluntness of it.
Good luck! -
Very raging piece. I thought it would be something like frustration or anger while I read it. You did such a good job of writing down rage.
Carrie
-
POWERFUL write!!
This is a very striking piece. Its subtleties are astounding! It is full of paradox! The emotion you describe is a large one, yet you use lower case throughout your lines and punctuate twice with a period instead of an exclamation point. It works perfectly, though, for rage as you describe it. For you it's all internal, subdued. Consider: You use strong words such as "gnashing", "murderous", and "impaled" which accurately capture your sentiment, but the manner in which you present it is consistent with the action you take as a result of the emotion: only to stare hatefully. "gnashing teeth / stifle murderous / declarations." tells of being so overwhelmed with anger you are left speechless, nearly choking back your words. "subject impaled from eyes" is good use of double endtendre. It lends the image of you staring down your target, but simultaneously leaves the impression that you have written him/her off by 'impaling him/her from YOUR eyes', metaphorically meaning leaving a gaping hole in your line of vision or level of respect where he/she once stood, as if you now cast the object of your hatred aside as worthless. This ties in with your preceding three lines as if to indicate the person is unworthy of even a remark. "instead." is the word that puts the bow on the package. It lets us know what rage is like for you, all internal, as I mentioned earlier. You retaliate by cutting off your adversary's satisfaction of seeing you behave like an animal. INSTEAD, you just look at him/her with an expression that says everything you need to say. You demonstrate control over the situation, the person's place in your life, your own actions, and your overwhelming emotion. You take back the power that has been wielded over you. You disallow further pushing of your buttons. You make a conscious decision to maintain your composure INSTEAD of giving in to "murderous declarations" and inflicting physical harm, although it is clear that is what you'd really like to do. Powerful work! A very raw and honest account. It's also interesting to me that you use syllable counts of 3/5/3/6/2. This demonstrates the internal conflict you experience as you walk through the rage, swinging from mid-range anger up the scale and back, then further up the scale like a pendulum, but ending with reason, a two, regaining your composure and stopping in your tracks before swinging too wildly as to suffer consequences for someone else's actions. Just brilliant on many different levels! Thank you for this entry!
Sheryl
Adding your comment:
