Distance beyond measure,
yet in one's line of sight,
overwhelming emptiness,
drowning out my reality.
Increased throbbing heartbeat,
all encompassing lustful thoughts,
overwhelming desire for new,
yet still longing for what once was.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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'Distance beyond measure, yet in one's line of sight.' That is one seriously cool line. 'Drowning out my reality'... you have some wonderful phrases here and a nice rhythm to your words. I think the writer studies each specific line and word much more deeply than the reader, and i think this is a short poem merely because you have fit so much emotion into it. Very nice <3
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all i can say is I get it...i know...
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There are quite some different angles in which this poem could be taken... Is this about a person, or maybe a hobby you can't practice anymore?
It's short - I like that, but maybe it lacks that bit of detail.
On the other hand, poetry that makes the reader think about it is poetry that will keep on pondering in ones mind...
Keep it up!
Leander -
Have your cake and eat it too type of thing.
Sometimes we forget to remember sometimes the past is better if you let it go completely and move on. yet alot of people feel the need to keep on loving.. then again i beleive most of us are that way
great job here
tory -
Needs to be run through "Spellcheck"
Ok, I’m mildly confused. First, “site” should be “sight”; especially if you’re speaking of something being out of one’s line of vision, you mean “sight”. Secondly, this is much, much too short to understand where you’re going, or even where you’ve been, in the emotion. So far, I’ve got vast open space, as far as the eye can see. Too much open space for you to know what to do with it. Your heart starts beating in your head, you’re distracted by lustful thoughts. These lustful thoughts seem to be more about something to actually demand your attention yet you find yourself longing not to leave the comfort of (the known) your empty reality.
What you’ve got here could be a very interesting poem. Of course, there’s always the chance that you’ve said exactly what you’ve meant to and you’re content to leave it at that. In which case, I’ll be a proper fangirl and say, “Please, sir. Can I have some more?”
10-3-2007 - Thank you for taking the time to enter my contest.
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hmmm
that was very good, so simple, yet so complex in emotions.
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hmm very deep
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I have never gained, then lost something so precious and wished for new life breathed into what has perished (never had the chance), but I know of the "distance", as if trying to grab the Moon from the sky because you can see it right there in front of your eyes.
Ha! I think my arms are finally gettting tired of reaching.
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