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Saving Myself

They should have known
They should have seen that something was wrong
They should have read into my temper tantrums
Seen past the anger,
past the crying and screaming,
Past the hitting and flailing
they should have realized this wasn't normal coming from a child of nine
They should have seen the undertones of fear and panic in my every move
They should have know something was wrong,
They were my parents
They should have stopped it,
But they didn't
No one saved me then
When I was five, six, seven, eight, nine and ten,
And now at sixteen
I struggle to stop cutting, to stop purging, to stop starving,
To start living
I need them
But no one can save me now
Except me
And that scares me,
Because I don't think I can
I feel to vulnerable and fragile
I can feel myself unraveling,
piece by piece strand by strand
hitting the floor with dull echos and thuds
and everyone stands around and watches with sad face
saying things like
"Oh what a shame"
"Such a waste"
"Poor thing"
"She had so much potential"
But they don't help,
they don't know how to,
no one does
and I am fighting alone
and losing.
I don't think I'll make it
Maybe I just
Wasn't meant to survive
That abuse I went through
destroyed me
If only someone had saved me then
But they didn't.

Author notes

love happens once in a lifetime. the difference lies in how many time you're willing to live in the time that you're alive.

A contest entry

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Comments


  • Illusionaire Moderators member
    December 7, 2007

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    Firstly, let me say apologies for the late judgement of this contest, Powerful, expressive, and slowly creeps into the mind of the reader as they read through it, nicely done, it takes a great amount of skill for a poem to be able to do such a thing. Thanks for the entry and best of luck in the contest,


  • starrygirl
    November 20, 2007

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    I really enjoyed reading this poem. Eating disorders are very hard to break and you're right you have to it on your own. It has to be your choice.