Clenched teeth
and flare gun eyes
Staring just staring at
his hot sauce emotion
with a heart burn creeping
into his mind;
Blood running down a chin
eyes of empty sight, pulses
of unconsciousness blowing
down his mind;
The man still staring,
the heart burn on full blast ,
now he kicks the unconscious
man
A contest entry
- Anger - 24 hours by Tangled Angle.
300 points, ended September 16, 2007, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Anger Control
That's what this is all about, right? My remaining son has anger problems, it only takes the slightest thing to set him off, and once he goes off, he is hard to bring back into control. But, he is getting better now that he has a wife and a child to take care of. Havn't heard any outbursts from him lately, but then I don't see him all the time either. Our daughter-in-law hasn't called and complained, so I assume everything is alright [fingers crossed].
Great write here, the man is so angry that he kicks a man that is already down. No surprise, I've seen it happen before.
Much love to you,
Brazos
-
I didn't like the repetition of 'mind' and then 'man' in such a short proximity(sp.?) - didn't do anything for the poem.
Besides that, good job.
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