Now weep no more my lady tree
For I am here to comfort thee;
To warm your roots till morning time
When rays of sun at last will shine,
But now we watch the silver moon
Which lights the sky like midnight noon,
And hope the day won't draw too near
For 'tis not darkness that we fear.
Together we shall chase the skies
With stifled hopes and teary eyes,
And watch the world as she dreams
while resting by forgotten streams.
We'll stay in peace for just a while
With all our heartaches, fear and trial.
The tears we shed shall drop unblessed,
And fall upon my untouched breast.
I stay one night and then I leave
To seek a silent place to grieve.
I'll lie forever in sweet grace,
Where dawn will never touch my face,
Protected by a lonely willow
Which upon my grave shall grow,
To weep for me at midnight noon;
When our only company is moon.
In a list
A contest entry
- PIF Picture Prompt! by captain howdy.
600 points, ended September 17, 2007, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Three by Nam.
425 points, ended October 5, 2007, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite-palooza by swim.x.
1650 points, ended October 6, 150 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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The rhyme in this poem was immaculate. I can't really express how astounded I was that the flow held for the whole poem. Some people are a bit slack with that these days, but this was just amazing! I loved all of the imagery you used here.
Congratulations and good luck in the contest.
Chin up,
Swim.x -
thats beautiful =]
thanks for entering -
This poem is really good! I think that the rhyme bothers me a bit, but it is good! Um, it seemed like you had to think for this poem, rather than going on a rant.
Good luck
-->pia♫♪
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I am sorry that you feel that way about my poem. I did not have to think very hard at all, this is just the way I write my rhyming poetry. If you visited my page you would see it. I was raised by an english major's daughter so complex language is not a stranger to me. I love this piece and emotions in it. I'm sorry that you can't feel it too. Thanks otherwise and best of luck with the contest.
Much Love
Carrie
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What Nam said about syllibification is a legitimate complaint- your word choice is soft and pretty, but it's hard to find a rythm beneath the cadence. This poem had a gorgeous, mellifluous flow- and the round, plain word choice tinted the meloncholy imagery with a certain frankness that just made everything more sad. You have a wonderfully complex and developed character existing very prettilly and naturally in the framework of your poetry- but that syllibification and the "leaves/reeds" imperfect rhyme are preventing it from musically hypnotizing me. You're extremely talented, keep up the good work.
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Yes it is. Thank you so much for commenting on my work. It was very helpful. I am actually going to try to work on the rhythm of this piece, perfect it, but I am not going to change the "leave/ reeds" That does not have an end rhyme to it like the rest of the poem, but it is a legitimate rhyme, vowel/ middle rhyme. I am not certain what the actual name for it is. Thank you again.
Carrie -
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It's called "assonance" (or vowel rhyme)- and it's a legitimate literary device certainly- I just think that it's acting as a rhythm breaker since all of your other rhymes are endline rhymes. Your choice though, I love the poem.
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"for tis not darkness that we fear." - I feel "tis" should have the single apostrophe in front of it.
Was this meant to be syllable count? I counted each line, most of the lines are 8 syllables, quite a few are 7, and I believe one or two are 9. If going by syllable count, didn't seem strict in form, if so.
Either way, it's a good piece.
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This is supposed to be an Iambic tetrameter. I broke a few of the rules, but I am going to try to fix those mistakes. Thanks
Much Love
Carrie
P.S. I like your new picture. The "Jungle Book" is one of my favorite of the classics
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Gold trophy winner. Wow. Way to go. Very good imagery.
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Congrats on your winning write and the midnight noon!
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I loved the words midnight noon put together. This poem was breathtakingly lovely. I loved the rhyme! Gratz on gold!
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I thought this was an interesting take on the prompt! Thanks for entering such a lovely poem! Best of luck!
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This was a totally beautiful write I loved it. You did great and I wish you the best of luck in the contest
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Beautiful write.
Write on! I love "midnight noon".
*PEACE*
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