We had the same route
At the bus stop, not life
You had to drop your notebook
And let me pick it up
Again
Your bookmark fell in my pocket
I saw your face with a friend
She looked perfect for you
Or wait, let me look
Again
You took my name and number
And promised me many nights
Of red painted canvases
After that I had to see you
Again
My face next to the iced window
Not nearly as warm as
The day you just had to
Let me go
Again
So go along with her perfect face
If you fucking dare
To brake the fate
Of meeting you in here
Again
Author notes
serendipity
Daizy21
A contest entry
- you write such pretty words by grass.
650 points, ended September 17, 2007, 4 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites that dont suck. by parachute fog.
400 points, ended October 20, 2007, 93 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - [[ Unrequited Love and a Longing for You ]] by ThatONEweirdChick.
602 points, ended September 24, 2007, 47 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Promises that never get answered or remembered. Nice poem, great flow and emotion.
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I'm just reading it..and I'm not sure if it was supposed to be 'break' instead of 'brake'. I should really read these when I'm not dead..anyway. This is a very good poem! I don't usually like repetition but it works pretty well. Thanks for adding it.
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Very good
My face next to the iced window
Not nearly as warm as
The day you just had to
Let me go
Again
Interesting verse
Lovely opening words
The end was unexpected
Such is life
Rick
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Yes, such is life, thank you for reading my work!Have a good day!m
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I love it. This is fuckin' raw, and passionate. The repitition has a great effect, I think. It didn't exactly "read" well, but in a piece like this, I don't think it matters all-too-much. Nice job.
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Thanx, I am a huge fan of Anna Narlick, and this is tipical something that she would sing,thanks for contest, is was one of the more interisting ones.
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I well written poem in my opinion. A little difficult to read with regards to meter yet, I don't think this is what you were going for. You're message here to me is very clear.
Thanks for the read
Hugz
Himler
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