On a velvet background drops,
dancing diamonds are bright.
Second only to the opal crescent,
that bathes within their light.
The warm air is still and silent,
waiting for magic to cast its spell.
To unlock the chest of hearts,
where forbidden memories dwell.
To do so will unmask the pain,
the sorrows so heart felt.
Such bleak dark magic is unwise,
for it will curse the one who dealt.
Still, now and again, they come,
relentless in their wake.
Forbidden nobody's of time,
will soon rap upon your gate.
Author notes
The POW.
A contest entry
- The POW by Arkbear.
500 points, ended September 16, 2007, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Show Must Go On Round 1 of 5 by Willowhaunt.
450 points, ended September 28, 2007, 22 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Congrats on your trophies!!!And I just bet it did"rap upon his gate."Bravo!!!
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Because I got so many entries, I am going to judge this a little different than I normally do. On the contest page the challenge was to write a rhyming poem that shows instead of tells, with imagery and metaphor galore. In addition to those things, I am going to take the meter and rhythm into account along with originality. So I am going to award points for each of those things and then sort of tally them at the end to decide on the winners.
Show vs. Tell: 70/100
Concrete Images: 75/100
Metaphor/Symbol/Allusion: 80/100
Originality: 70/100
Meter: 90/100 -
Very well written! I love the flow of this poem and also how it's very descriptive yet sort of vague at the same time...very nice.
Keep Quilling,
Whiskey -
i would like to thank you for sharing your talent with me through this wonderful write. i wish you well in the contest that we both have entered. i am looking forward to reading more from you in the near future. viyanna rosemarie
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Thankyou all
For taking the time to review. I will try to remember the commas, not something I thought about to be honest, got caught up in the moment
You may well see me in another contest like this, if I can come up with anything else. Again thankyou all for review, been fun!
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Beautiful writing! Gratz on your silver, dear!
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Very vivid with your detailed imagery.
Congrates on the silver..all the best in all you do.
Peace, Timothy aka poeticweaver~
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congrats on the silver and you were worried about your writing? Certainly came from the heart, I am proud of you!
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I loved the imagery of this piece. Good flow and metaphor, and it leaves me with a lot to think about. Even though this is a subject I've seen before, you've penned it in a very fresh way. One line felt just a tad bit forced in rhyme: "for it will curse the one who dealt." Outside of that, I found very little to critique. Wonderful job, and I look forward to seeing more entries from you in future contests.
Best wishes,
~J.
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So nice ~
*heartfelt*
one word??
two??
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/heartfelt
Ok....there are many places I would have chosen another word to replace some of the ones you chose....but most of them are ok ~
Commas are your best Friend....try using a few more ~
Just one example...last stanza....>>
*Still, now and again, they come*
Your puncs are VERY important, to get the affect you want
the Reader to feel and experience it, as you have penned it ~
Loved this write.....but your flow is causing my tongue to stumble ~
Flow is soooooo important with graceful, yet strong writes ~
Here is how I see your write.....good luck Poet,
and thanks for entering.......as I hope to see your
talents again tomorrow in the POD!
A metaphorical masterpiece not over-done ~
Bear ~
Title 10
Flow 9.4
Depth 9.6
Theme 10
Feelings 10
Grammar 8.9
Presentation 9.7
Uncommonness 10
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.8
Ability to follow Rules 10
Bears Score: 97.4
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