Our bodies collide to the beat
Amber waves crashing at our feet
As if this was really the ocean
The sticky smell clings to our skin
Pretending to be salty in the breeze
When the stars all look to be dizzy fireflies
I told you to be my captain
I told you to take me captive
I don’t care who else was me
Brandish your weapon
We are all armed with a thirst
That this ocean can never fulfill
Author notes
work in progress just thought i'd put it up for the hell of it.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Thats cool. Rather provocative, I thought the visualization of the ocean was a nice touch, wonderful images if I don't say so myself, I'm not sure why you chose the excellent end rhyme at the opening couplet then abandoned it, but the piece still worked well, and was a fine read. I love the transposition of nature and humanity, something I pine over often too, and you've done great with it. Good job.
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