Phone’s ringing to a dead silence
Time clocks by with no regards for my pain
Staring in mute wonder at your picture in my heart,
and I think that maybe you forgot about me tonight, so
I’ll try not to fall asleep,
I’ll try to watch the dawn meet the sun;
In the hope that Morning will bring you back to me again
I struggle not to cry as fear hits my heart
Please darling, tell me that nothing’s happened to you,
How I wish that you merely forgot about me,
Instead of lying injured or worse somewhere!
I trace your name in the stars as comfort engulfs me.
I know deep down, you did not remember me once more
Staring at the flame, with a yearning in my heart,
I cannot help but wonder in whose arms you lie right now.
Please forgive this weakness that I cannot help but feel,
Look through the tears and promise to never let me go.
I swore to stand by you through thick and thin,
And love, I will not leave you as you find your way to me.
I just want to cradle you close once more
and I promise to wait as long as it takes-
I’ll try not to fall asleep tonight, sweetheart
I’ll watch the clock tick by and wait for dawn to meet the sun;
In the mere hope that Morning will bring you back to me again.
Author notes
Neera
A contest entry
- I'll love you in the morning by j-ay rose.
722 points, ended March 25, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
-
Hoodwink 141
This is so sweet and forlorn. It tugged at my heartstrings. Best of luck to you in the contest. You been hoodwinked by someone who cares about you.
-
i thank you very much for entering my contest. i thank you for following my instructions and i also thank you for waiting out as long as i have had this contest open.
comments i have on your actual poem would be:
it seems to be more of a story than a poem. stories are nice, and stories can be made into poetry if you word them just right. as this stands now you are telling me a list of various things: you are worried about someone who isnt at home at the moment, you love them, and you cant wait for them to come back. as much as i like this as a story it isnt really what i was looking for. -
This was truly beautiful Neera. It was written with loving feelings and sounds so heartfelt. Thank you for sharing this beautiful poem with us. You take care, Mom
-
A+wesome
Tracing someone's names in the stars...I really liked the idea behind that line
nicely done. Such beautiful devotion, even if it's probably the most painful kind of love, or close to it 
. You portrayed these emotions really well I think! ^-^
GREAT job
diggin it majorly
-
Wow...
Makes me think of my ex. I could see us both thinking this right now.... but she hates me.... or at least that's what it seems like right now. I have a mix of love and hatred for her unfortunately. Blah.... long story.
But anyways, I liked this! It flowed so well I just flew through it and before I knew it, it was over! Sure it was a bit short, but still, it seemed to go by even quicker! Great write!!!
-
"Staring in mute wonder at your picture in my heart,
and I think that maybe you forgot about me tonight"
This is probably my favorite line because it is one of those things that hits home the most. Because I know how that feels.
This is truly amazing, simply because it is so potent in emotion. It was written from the heart and that is obvious.
Keep writng my love ^^
-Jenna-
-
Very wonderful and sad at the same time. I can feel the edge when I read this. I can feel the racing of the mind trying to explain the situation. I love how you talk about the dawn meeting the sun. Very nice. Thank you for sharing this.
-
What an absolutely beautiful write that just sings right through to the readers heart.
Stay safe
~AJ
-
This reminds me so much of that song,
Oh Ruby, don't take your love to town.
-
Have commented on this one before.
-
You've done an excellent job relaying your emotions, and the whole story is there. I think everyone who reads this will surely understand. Powerful. The one thing I want to mention is that you tend to be a bit wordy with your poems. It's almost prose, sometimes. I would like to see what happens to this piece if you rewrote it using half the words. Or one quarter of the words. I think you could still do it, and it might even make it stronger. Sometimes cutting out the fluff has a way of strengthening the emotions already there, and this one already has emotion for sure! Just an idea. Cheers!
-
So many can relate to this - those nights of not knowing for sure, of being by yourself and wishing, hoping. Easy to read and understand - good flow and very emotional.
-
Very good!
A really well written work of emotion, some very good descriptive lines, well worth reading. Excellent! WASP.
-
Oh, an' thanks for the points. ;D
-
Smooth descriptiveness. Emotion's caught well enough...fine tuning with the words, there. Kudos to ya.
-
i can relate
-
I can relate. There is a lot of emotion in this, and it is expressed well.
-
That really made me want to cry. I remember that feeling, and you made me feel it all over again. Wow. that is really deep, and im not just saying that. That really hit home for me. I just want to tell you that if this person is worth it, they'll come around. i went through something similar with my bf, and it drove me mad. i remember all those nights lying awake, trying not to cry and wondering who he was with, praying he'd call and tell me he still loved me and he had made a mistake. that time eventually came, but waiting for it was so hard. and even now, months later, things still arent truly the same. the hurt is still there. and im trying to let it go, but eh, what can i say? its hard. but anyways things will get better. for me, and for you! that was my initial point i was trying to make!!!
i also wanted to suggest that maybe you can shorten your title to "Morning Will Bring You Back" but it's up to you. just a suggestion.
great write, sincerely loved it!!
♥Rachel♥
-
Ahhh..
This reminds me of being 14, and a boy that used to stand me up, man it broke my heart every time. You sum up that slow agonising wait really well-bravo.
-
Amazing. Though your love may not be perfect, may not even be faithful, you care about them anyway, and long for their presence by your side once again. Very well written and flows with ease. Loved this.
-
I like the ending best. I think you could come up with a better, shorter, title though. I thought you could have used some more periods here and there, but overall I liked it.
It was very loving. Unconditional.
Adding your comment:
1 - 21 of 21
