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Open the gates

                       ~ Disapointments cast ~

 


by fake love's truths
                              left to forever clasp
onto the nothingness

                                 of what might or could be

broken-hearted soul
                                    left to walk the streets

shattered hearts and
                                       bitter broken ghostly faces

 



left to walk isolated
                               divided between the reality
clasping onto fantasy
                                 away from the hollow people
coloured corpses strewn
                                    across denials dirty floor
love's pesticide sprayed
                                       on a lonesome sunken face

 

 


carry me to where the sun
                                        and the moon lay side by side
the sea sings chorused love's

                                           harmonious tunes wondering

why don't you lay me down

                                              sweetly dreaming in my coffin

no pain, no more mistakes

                                                 no longer disapointments reign

 

 

                                               ~no more here, no more me~

 

 

 

 

                                 

Author notes

Can be read many ways. Figure it out

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 31 of 31

  • Pisces rainbow gold member
    August 23

    Edit | Reply
    so artistically create
    as we all can relate to your words
    beautiful soulful write
    elegantly expressed
    a pleasure to read
    God bless you my friend...
    a billion 's for you


  • EternitysLastWish
    April 11

    Edit | Reply
    I am speechless.
    Firstly, what a stunning layout. Not just aesthetically - it truly serves a purpose, the way the sentences seem to be breaking off eachother and in turn fade into eachother, seems to reflect upon the breaking of people's hearts, and the hazy goings-on of their everyday lives during a time of depression.
    It all works together perfectly, and yet even the brown font sentences seem to flow separately with eachother - do you get what I mean? It's very clever what you've done. You've conveyed that whole message so clearly, and so beautifully. It seems to tragically scream out to us... yet in a subtle way.

    I love this piece. Thankyou so much for sharing your wonderful talent - and please never stop.

    Warmest wishes,
    Jess x


  • Godless But Divine gold member
    May 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is my first comment which I WON'T rhym in it...
    I wont tell you goodwrite NOR bravo..
    but what I will tell you that I really FEEL AND UNDERSTAND YOU...
    But do as I did sit and laugh on this cruel and harsh life...and careless anymore..take care dear fairy.


  • Kikai Ni
    April 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I can't find a better way to word this; forgive me.
    Reading this made me want to go wash my face and stare at the mirror for a while. It's beautifully written and the ending reflects on the futility of, well, everything. The pointlessness of it all - and not a trace of mediocrity anywhere in these lines. Well done.


  • SomeonesToySoldier gold member
    March 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    *bows* wow its really good. I read each on seperately and then togeather and no matt how you read it they are great poems or 1 great poem. Bravo!


  • BornWithAPen
    March 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    damn this is wierd

    i love this, the fact that you have two poems that can be read seperate and yet can also work wow


  • InMyFlames
    March 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "the sea sings chorused love's
    harmonious tunes wondering
    why don't you lay me down
    sweetly dreaming in my coffin
    no pain, no more mistakes
    no longer disapointments reign


    ~no more here, no more me~"
    this is amazing poem the wording is just brilliant well done and thanks for entering


  • Gods-Artgal
    February 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a great poem.
    You are a great poet.
    What poetry form did you use to write this poem?
    Whatever it is, it is lovely.
    Please let me know.


    • Moons Lunar Angel
      February 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I'm flattered thankyou Ow I just made it up No form.
      I appreciate your wonderful comment, thankyou.
      Lil


  • movedon
    October 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    very nice poem. I loved the style that you used. its very beautiful
    Luvs,
    ~brokensmile~


  • sublimewriter
    October 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    what a clever way of writing this. it's like having a conversation with yourself or having a close friend finish your line for you. this shows a darker side, that people try to hide and is personal and shows vulnerability


  • TwiztidMaggot
    September 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I liek this. you did a wonderful job writing it, it's amazing! keep it up!

    Crimson


  • Wayne Leon Learmond
    September 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful Writing

    I like this a lot you know. This is superbly-written. I agree, that it is very very intense, yet the words flow like water. Keep writing,there is much emotion here. You have a great talent.

    All the best
    Wayne
    x


  • Touchof1der silver member
    September 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    The words carry such an intensity all on their own but the creative formatting you have added just bring them out that much more. It looks like you took this palette into hand and colored us a beautiful portrait.
    ♥ Touchof1der


  • Denierim
    September 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is absolutely beauitiful in a sad way. You painted a wonderful image of pain that was clear throughout the piece by each word. The form you used; I love it. It worked wonders with this poem, especially with the color scheme you used for the words. Wonderful!

    Amazing work with this one, definately one of the best poems I've read in a while now!


  • NightmareHero
    September 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Very beautiful and sad.

    It was very beautiful what you wrote. I hope you write more work.


  • lindaburns gold member
    September 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I have not seen this writing style before. It worked with this piece. The flow was good. Well done.


  • Mroczna
    September 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    wow...good job !!
    very intense..


  • Tarja
    September 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Ohhh I like... the format of this was very interesting and the flow was just great. And the picture really did something... got me in the right mood for the poem.. I love that! Wonderful job!


  • grannyeri gold member
    September 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very creative form you have written here - the two colors also very different. Liked the flow, the alliteration, the picture and the story you share in these lines.


  • freebutsafe
    September 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is such a fantastic piece of poetry. The way you have layed it out...to the differant colors of ink. And not to mention the story in this piece. I can feel the pain of having no-one?
    The pain and suffering of humans can often bring us to this point. We see beyond, because we feel it.
    Thank-you for sharing this. GREAT JOB


  • luckynsincere
    September 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    WOW! This is intense.. the way you have your lines flowing is a nice touch for this poem, that most could not pull off...

    great work!!! best of luck in the contest Looks like a winner to me

    Mel


  • Nicolette Everett
    September 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    It's a really sad poem, but I like the way it was written and the sadness of it. Something that everyone can relate to at some point in their life. The emotion made it come out a lot more too.
    Great Job!


  • storiesuntold gold member
    September 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    So sad

    This struck me as a very sad write


  • Random Goldfish gold member
    September 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like that picture.

    "carry me to where the sun
    and the moon lay side by side"

    That is a beautiful line...I just love it.



  • Myjoy gold member
    September 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow, I love what you did this this piece. Well said and well put together. The picture I love wish I could of found it myself it's breath taking. Wonderful message, even if sad. You grow and grow every time I read something you post.


  • MidnightPoet545
    September 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Outstanding

    Very well written. Loved it. The picture you chose for your poem fit perfectly. Great piece of work.


  • Amera gold member
    September 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! This is great! What struck me first was the structure, the indentation and the color change is so dramatic. This is a wonferful octet with a bitter sweet image. Original and well done!

    Love,
    Amera♥

1 - 31 of 31