It was a monster
of vile viridian,
its shirt alabaster,
its hat obsidian.
Its ghoul eyes,
with their pinprick pupils,
stared at sharded youth
with bane-black scruples.
Locked in that coma leer,
a rabbit waiting to be downed,
the boy did not see it,
did not so much as look around.
There was nothing but a glimpse,
nothing more than a glance
of a guillotine grin,
its sanity askance.
Those bone-white eyes,
rimmed with corpse red,
widened into burning moons
as the truck struck him half-dead.
The boy skittered across tarmac
in a confused spider-leg tumble,
and the creature’s truck
continued its animal rumble.
It screeched to a halt
drawing a scythe of rubber on the street;
its red form was enormous,
its every inch oozing heat.
The door thunked open,
the top hat flopped into the air.
The creature’s face was an emerald shadow,
its smile a dead moon laid bare.
Steel-toed boots scrape over blacktop
and enormous green hands clench into fists
as the driver’s scarecrow figure
lurches through the dusty mists.
It loomed over the boy,
its form an inky silhouette
cast by the ruthless glare of the sun,
with its dearth of regret.
The boy,
his eyes blue supernovas,
his hair a riled haystack,
was
bleeding
broken
splintered
and
swollen
but he was
alive.
The green man’s grin became a sickle of glee.
He needed the boy,
that much was undeniable.
But he never said he needed him whole.
A contest entry
- Options, heaps to choose from by ForgottenMemories.
650 points, ended September 17, 2007, 43 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Something Amazing by So Strange.
950 points, ended September 25, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Toxic Lesson by Coco Mara.
510 points, ended October 22, 2007, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything goes by crystallynnbradford.
565 points, ended September 19, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Another Fun Contest--I have nothing better to do with my points! =) by ItalianGurrl.
550 points, ended September 26, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark like my soul by screamin2u.
525 points, ended September 29, 2007, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - INSPIRE ME TO WRITE AGAIN by forever dreaming.
1500 points, ended October 4, 2007, 52 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Inside The Mind: 5 Options With Sub Options, Deep - Points Will Rise by xxRainbowDawnxx.
450 points, ended October 2, 2007, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme Time by Danna Hobart.
375 points, ended October 12, 2007, 32 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites that dont suck. by parachute fog.
400 points, ended October 20, 2007, 91 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Nothing Boring by cali951.
500 points, ended December 3, 2007, 104 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Because I got so many entries, I am going to judge this a little different than I normally do. On the contest page the challenge was to write a rhyming poem that shows instead of tells, with imagery and metaphor galore. In addition to those things, I am going to take the meter and rhythm into account along with originality. So I am going to award points for each of those things and then sort of tally them at the end to decide on the winners.
Show vs. Tell: 99/100
Concrete Images: 100/100
Metaphor/Symbol/Allusion: 100/100
Originality: 100/100
Meter: 95/100
This was fantastic! It is as close as a perfect score as anybody has received so far. It sort of renewed my faith in the idea that rhyming poems can also be showing poems. Thank you so much for entering. -
Very twisted here. Interesting topic too... I couldn't imagine how awful it would be to be nearly killed like that. It's different than a lot of homicide cases for sure and harder to get someone years. I liked your vocabulary, it was really good.
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Loves it.
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please put the option number in the authors comments before i read it. please notify me when you've done so. thanks
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very good and an interestnig piece overall...title is very eye-catching
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Wow, this is really good. Amazing imagry, amazingly dark. You did such a wonderful smile. The title in itself sums up the idea for my contest, two contrasting words, which make an interesting, well written poem.
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WOW! This was beautifully dark, I loved it!
'The creature’s face was an emerald shadow,
its smile a dead moon laid bare.' These two lines are so descriptive, and interesting! You have really put alot of effort into writing this and I very much enjoyed reading it.
Thanks for entering and good luck!
Sleep-N -
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Thank you very much! I'm glad you loved it! =D Thanks so so so much!
The green man smiles upon you!
M.
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