Tingling sensations of a love once known,
Filling my head with such vivid images,
Remembering back, diagnosis unknown.
Doctors visits, and recorded messages,
Time changes, chemotherapy treatments, pain.
Hair loss, weight drops, broken, scarred passages.
Flickering of hope, dimming, helpless, hate, shame.
Seeking answers, to why, she becomes weaker.
Head hung low, all promise stripped, the tears came.
The night had come, when the darkness will seek her,
Her soul lifted, the Heavens will now keep her.
Author notes
POW--
Terza Rima
A Terza Rima is a poem with an eleven syllable count in each line and a rhyming scheme
of aba, bcb, cdc, dd.
For even more of a challenge, try the Terza Rima Sonnet. This form of poem has an
eleven syllable count in each line and a rhyming scheme of aba, bcb, cdc, ded, ee.
Copy and pasted from Shadowpoetry.com
A contest entry
- The POW by Arkbear.
500 points, ended September 16, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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wow, this is beautiful! ... made me think of my grandpa laying in the hospital... I miss him so much! I wish he was still here! and I wish i hadn't had to see him die the way he did.-closes eyes and shakes head to rid the cisual of her grandpa- great work! keep it up!
Crimson -
Beautiful ~
....1st line...a syllable off in my count....but
the syllable counter says it's ok ~
3rd line...2nd tiolet
off a syllable ~
3rd line...3rd triolet
off a syllable ~
**the tears came**
....make sure you keep everything in present
tense as you have the other lines ~
A very sad entry...yet full of emotion and imagery ~
Please be careful of your Forms...as to scream
POW, I must be fully impressed with hardly any deductions ~
Also....watch out for the *personal* tone in your entries ~
...this may be something very important to you as an
individual, but when competing for POW and against other Poets, you need to concentrate on something *uncommon* that will grab me and shake me
and make my jaw go.....wow...on the floor!!
This is a wonderful tribute to someone.....not
sure if it is personal to you....but it sounded as
if you knew...know of someone who
has passed because of Cancer ~
Title....very cliche' Hun ~
Capping each line is a No, No.....tears up the flow big time ~
....yours wasn't too bad....but it sure will knock off some pointage ~
Good luck Tory....but you will be hit hard for a couple of things ~
Bear ~
Title 8.5
Flow 8.6
Depth 9.4
Theme 9.2
Feelings 10
Grammar 9.6
Presentation 9.2
Uncommonness 9.0
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.0
Ability to follow Rules 10
Bears Score: 92.5
Please don't give up!!!!!!
....even if I hurt your feelings by not giving more points for such a personal poem ~
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Not at all surprised Ark I knew you would find something, I'm not a quitter. The pain and hurt feelings only make me thrive to do better.
These contests are to help me grow.As I said before you dont want me to waste your time say so. But How am I to get better if I dont. Disappointed big time.
Tory
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This feels like a very personal poem - hard to judge when you know someone's feelings are deeply etched into every line. I found that depth of feeling easy to relate to and very sad, but the imagery is a bit weak in places - more tell than show. I think it's very hard to accomplish all those elements in a poetry form such as this, and wonder what it might have been had you tried it simply in free verse? As for the form itself, lines 6 and 9 are only 10 syllables. And strictly as a matter of opinion, I would have liked to see a bit smaller font used so that lines didn't carry over. But again - that is a personal preference.
I loved the hopeful ending to this. Those last two lines are very calming after the pain of the earlier lines. Well done and good luck.
Best wishes,
~J.
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Very well written....Stuck to the form..and brought about the plight of the situation well...You can nothelp feeling sad reading this!
All the best!
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So sad yet lovely, good luck!
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So Sad And Emotinal But So Well Writen =]
xx
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tears...
Sorry to read of anyone who suffers...
I can't understand everything hun,
I just know it's tough...
Well done, and expressed within this form.
Peace, Timothy
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Beautifully written sweetheart of one of lifes most deadly afflictions. Some can beat it some cant, it's all in God's hands after all is said and done. Scott
Love You baby.
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hun my heart goes out to you in this write hugs hugs hugs hugs
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Beautifully done, Tory
and a beautiful renderance of the affects of cancer, you feel so helpless [and hopeless] when it attacks you. Thank goodness there is hope for many more now, due to the advance in treatment procedures, but still, it is very traumatic.
Emotionally strong comments about how you felt, I am sorry for your friend, and would like to hold your head on my shoulder, for it is the living that keep on suffering. Your friend? She is in God's hands now, and happy as a lark. We will be there someday too.
All my love to you,
Brazos
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Beautifully sad with so much truth!
Cancer is such a terrible and frightful
disease that leaves so many people lost
in their lives. Though, there is hope
for some and unfortunately not everyone
makes it. Great work with this form and
all the best to you in the contest!
Jeremy0826
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