Psycilocibin mushroom vision,
see the world in a different light;
God's psychedelic, it's alright,
strange things you sure will envision.
Sitting on the sidewalk buzzing on shrooms,
right next to the 91 freeway in So. Cal.,
watching the trails from Diesel truck lights.
Laughing our asses off, having a good time,
the best time I ever had when in an altered state.
I'll never go back again, but oh, the memories.
Seeing colored trails, they were bright,
won't make any big decision;
with cranial circumcision,
mind it will certainly excite.
J'ai cru que je l'ai aimée,
mais elle ne m'a pas aimé,
juste deux adolescents peu profonds,
sauvage et libre.
Nous avons grandi,
est allé nos propres voies.
Author notes
POW = Poem of the Week ~
Translation of French Stanza:
I thought I loved her,
but she did not love me,
just two shallow teenagers,
wild and free.
We grew up,
went our own ways.
La' libertas
A new form created by Laura Lamarca. The name is Latin for "liberty."
Stanza 1 - rhyme scheme ABBA, 8 syllables per line.
Stanza 2 - Free verse, 6 lines ONLY
Stanza 3 - Rhyme scheme BAAB, 8 syllables per line.
Stanza 4 - Free verse, 6 lines ONLY
Couplet - Italian (Any language acceptable)
Love you Tory.
A contest entry
- The POW by Arkbear.
500 points, ended September 16, 2007, 10 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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love the mix of language...I think I might want to try this form! Gratz on the bronze!
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congrats on winning the bronze, wonderful work you have done here, and worthy of an award, a delight to read!
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Whoa ~
....ok....if you are brave enough to put me to the test of reviewing
such an extremely well-formatted write....
......then I will call it like I see it ~
Bear whispers...* I love a Poet with guts*
Don't repeat words unless absolutely necessary....*trials*
*strange thing's you'll surely envision*
vs..
*strange things you will sure envision*
both ( 8 ) syllables ~
Not a bad write Bro.....glad you made it back!
Definately a write I can connect to....as I lived right off of the 91 for years ~
Orange, CA
Such great imagery and vividness to accent this
write....I didn't need a graphic to imagine this Theme ~
However.....the 2nd stanza was your downfall when it came to keeping
a flow of poetic verse ~
I felt you went into story telling for a brief moment....and threw this write into
a wizzy whhapp.....what??
Yeah....that ~
...but....it was entertaining and good......can I scream POW???
Hmmmm ~
I do love the way you wrapped it up!
Bear ~
Title 9.6
Flow 9.5
Depth 9.1
Theme 10
Feelings 9.6
Grammar 9.7
Presentation 9.7
Uncommonness 10
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.1
Ability to follow Rules 10
Bears Score: 96.3
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I have very mixed feelings about this poem...on the one hand, the imagery is good. On the other hand...some of the rhyme felt very forced, which also affects the flow of the poem. The line "strange things you sure will envision." reads very awkward to me also; written, I am guessing, in order to get the syllable count correct. Even with the translation in the author notes (which I very much appreciated) the last stanza seemed like a different poem/subject altogether. I think the imagery here is the strong point of the poem, along with an...interesting...subject.
I did enjoy reading this because it's something different than I'm used to seeing, just would like to see the form fit the poem, rather than the poem being manipulated to fit the form. 
Best wishes,
~J.
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a very intersting piece you penned here.
WOnderfully crafted as always.
Best of luck to you in the POW.
Love you as well.
Tory
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