Through
a field,
birds flapping,
each movement they
feel
Author notes
My first lanturne ever....
A contest entry
- Poetry Formed XV by Arkbear.
400 points, ended September 20, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Not bad ~
Loved the fact that you took on your first Lanturne!
Let me just say one thing for your benefit ~
Many, many years ago, this Lanturne was created for
a Master, of whom was very wise......therefore, everyone who gave him gifts,
wanted their gifts to be the finest ~
One way of impressing the Master, was
to create paintings and drawing of nature ~
....and finally, one servant got the idea to paint in words ~
...and with that, they created the Lanturne shape.....a shape of many
cherrished symbles in China....the Lantern ~
If you look at my poem, Timbered Soul, you will
see what a Lanturne string is ~
The aestheitc appeal of this shape is VERY important,
and to not abide with its' shape, is a no, no ~
Your 1st line..*through*....should have been smaller
than your 2nd line, (2 ) syllable line ~
...and.....a single Lanturne should be read in one breath.....no commas or periods either,
but now days we have changed soooo much to allow this ~
Arrrg!
8
88
888
8888
8
88
888
8888
8
88
888
8888
8
88
888
8888
8
Do you see what I mean?
Good luck Poet, and congrats on your 1st Lanturne!!
Bear ~
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Good creative use of the Lanturne form, well done for a first time use! (I do find the capitalization of a few words here a bit distracting.) Best of luck in the contest.
Dennis
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has truth to it...
well said..I think if you lose the caps on the lines it may give it more appeal..nicely done..all in all
Mal
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