~
Frail stench of numbing sense,
to provoke the mind to sleep
as hushed lullabies,
to sound in whispers
the alcoholic fingers,
ever curling in a snare
around my throat.
Strangled breath to gasp,
as heart pulsates
beating in rhythm of life
cleansing impurities,
thumb-sucked by narcissistic mortal
in mask of fragile pity.
Shall I ask for a new angel?
Whence his Halo has disappeared,
as grasp on society's limp
by broken wings to flutter
ceaselessly, in effort to increase,
fruit to mark decay,
in pallid emotion's soil
maybe,
to rise another day.
~
Author notes
POW. For Poem Of The Week
Please, refrain from saying my name in your comments as per contest rules.
A contest entry
- The POW by Arkbear.
500 points, ended September 16, 2007, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Excellent imagery, and the title tickled me
this was a delight to read, and I thank you for sharing
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I love this write. It's something I can relate to, and I thought you brought out some great imagery and amazing insights. I especially loved the title - very catching, giving a glimpse of what the poem is about, then best of all - delivering. My one question is about the word "Halo" and why it was capitalized? Often a word is put in caps in the middle of a sentence to give it more emphasis, but I didn't really see a need for that. Perhaps a simple typo? All in all, a beautifully darkish write.
Best wishes,
~J.
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Dang ~
....I am thrilled to see this much talent coming from your Quill young Poet ~
To pen something of this magnitutde is breath taking ~
This is an incredible Theme which I am well aware of ~
If you read last weeks winner, you will see
that they also had some experience with this topic ~
I do believe you *almost* went overboard with your imagery......
....is that possible???.....Yes ~
..also....whatch out for your puncuation....it can make or break a great entry ~
I felt you could have dug deeper into the topic...rather than trying to
bend us around the next corner to make us see what you had in store for us ~
However.....this is a nice technique if done well....and I must say....
....you did well in my opinion ~
Title is incredible.....and here are a few more areas which I look at..below ~
It's nice to see you continuously enter and
keep raising the bar for all of the other Poets!
...amazed once again ~
Good luck to you!
Bear ~
Title 10
Flow 9.3
Depth 9.8
Theme 10
Feelings 9.4
Grammar 9.5
Presentation 9.7
Uncommonness 9.0
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.8
Ability to follow Rules 10
Bears Score: 96.5
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hmmm
I could see a well written point, as to the experiences of such things as alcohol, but i think there might be some imagry that doesnt all make sense, as if there are too many vocab words in one sentence for it to make sense. But over all its well written. -
OOOOO clappies
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Ppssbht did you eat anything yet? This is nerve numbing by the way! Good luck little one. Go to bed quick. Don't tire yourself too much.
-Esha
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