Last night, as I lay sleeping,
the pixies came to play.
They tiptoed frost across my lawn
before they slipped away.
They crystallized the rooftops
and all the drowsing cars
With frozen diamond dewdrops
that wink just like the stars.
And when the sun awoke to see
the work they’d done by night,
it poked bright curiosity
and glinted in delight.
What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
-
it just good to come back to the site knowing that i can come to your page and read real poetry. i was hunger for words and i devour this and i am sated.no matter my absence, you have stayed on my mind as one of the great wordmasters.you never disappoint me and you never cease to amaze me.
-
Spledidly penned
Alright first and foremost the write was penned most beautifully and seemed to sway effortlessly flawless. As I read over it a few more times I watched as you danced through the lines with random rhyme and a host of other neat little tricks like alliteration. This write beckond to my inner child to come and play in the frigid morning, though my adult was careful to caution a coat.
Thank you for sharing, it was a very beautiful write!
-
I enjoyed reading this. I liked how you put fantasy into the workings of a natural accourence. There will be alot of people mad about their cars though.
-
What an image you create with that first stanza, it's almost like a song you'd sing for a child, magical.
I love the drowsing cars ( wish I'd thought of that one
)
As always your rhythm is impeccable.
Lovely... just lovely.
It's wonderful to read you again, tsk ..I'm not sure how I lost you but ...poor you, I've found you again lol
-
Star spangled mornings on the coast are rare with our fog burn-off always pending, but these cold fall mornings recently have been like this, and I'm caught in how perfectly you paint the dazzle with your words into a soul song!
-
-
amazing!
This is absolutlely beautiful!! I can almost feel the frost, almost see the sun. This is wonderful...
-
I thought this piece was quite delightful indeed...
very pretty piece...I shall come back and applaud it
you deserve three stars for this upfiting piece.
Last night, as I lay sleeping,
the pixies came to play.
They tiptoed frost across my lawn
before they slipped away.
They crystallized the rooftops
and all the drowsing cars
With frozen diamond dewdrops
that wink just like the stars.
-
oh, how pretty! I love the frost and I love fairies, and you manages to make them work together...The imagery is brilliant.
-
nice work. i like how u put it.i was like wow. i luv the part "They crystallized the rooftops and all the drowsing cars,with frozen diamond dewdrops,that wink just like the stars." again good job.keep up the good work.
-
When I first read this I was like 'wow I really like this poem and the only thing that could improve it was if I had some mellow out music on in the background while I read it' so I put on my favorite chill out session and read it again and I was like 'wow this really cannot be improved'
-
i like the energy in this. the lines that spoke the most to me: They tiptoed frost across my lawn; They crystallized the rooftops
and all the drowsing cars
With frozen diamond dewdrops
that wink just like the stars.;it poked bright curiosity. excellent lines. i have to say that the 2nd stanza was my favorite here. nice
-
Time has not hindered your writing skills in any way at all. There is a wonderful picture presented by your phrases, gentle and impressive. There is no hesitancy in your word choices, as if you had this in mind forever and yet it is as fresh and as crisp as the frost you portray. The rhymes are beyond good, staggeringly brilliant would be a better choice.
Dang, you have been sorely missed.
blessings and best wishes,
~richard
-
Beautiful
Hey! You're back! You have been missed...no-one manages to overturn my reservations about rhyming poetry like you do.
"They tiptoed frost across my lawn before they slipped away" - love the half-rhyme of tip and slip there...gives it a sort of dancing feel that mirrors the dance of the pixies.
Also loved 'drowsing cars' - one of those descriptions that is suddenly, exactly right...clear images there of a fleet of cars, still and silent under sheets of frost. And the 'poked bright curiosity' in the last stanza was gorgeous - cleverly bypassing the commonly used metaphor of sun's fingers while still indirectly referring to it with the word 'poke'.
This is so pretty and glittering and lovely...please write/post more so that I can tell you how wonderful you are more often.
X
Adding your comment:
1 - 14 of 14
