Feeling my face
The moth flies from the drawer
No light shines in this place
But it's brighter than before
Seeking the moon
The moth escapes the dust
Flying from its earthly womb
With an other-worldly lust
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
-
beautifully written... the imagery and metaphor is well placed... great poem
-
Ok see, some people can read a poem and say how "The book was an anchor, and it grounded her to keep her intact whilst the swordfish was her attempt to escape a dictatorship marriage"....
I am not one of those people. I'm not good at interpreting poems. So, for me at least, this poem was about a moth. I imagined a very dark room, maybe a child's room, probably in the bush (as we aussies say). I'm thinking a few years ago before electricity. And it's a clear, full moon. The kid watches a moth fly out of a wardrobe, out threw a window, and off into life.
I'm probably 100% wrong, but it's what I'm thinking. And it works for me. -
A fabulous write!
Noah
-
this is beautiful... wow...i am made warm by reading this gem. you have a nice play on words (Lust for Life, story of Vincent Van Gogh) ... I just love your use of a moth soaring, bringing, taking light, able to feel your face, as though it were a thought of your own... this is a poem about transcendal growth and beauty.
i shall be back to read more of your poems. i sense a power in this poem which i seldom see in the poetry i read, and i read more than ap. I adore this poem.
Moqui says
-
"No light shines in this place
But it's brighter than before"
wonderful lines
it's a lot of thought in this piece!
good job -
The shock and lift in the first verse brings a breath of surprise full of possibilites. The second verse the magic spins the earthly world transcended and again the possiblities expand. There is a dream like simplicity that threads its way through and ordinary event. Magic in the moment caught by a soul ready to hear it and brave enough not to just say yuk.
Love, Tom B.
-
oh!
Seeking the moon.....With an other-worldly lust....let it fly more , let your words flow more like this
-
you right similarly to me... great stuff ..love it..thanx for the read!
-
hmmm... i'm sorry to say i agree with nam. The first line does seem out of place... so much so it manages to ruin what'd otherwise be a good second line! "no light shines in this place, but it's brighter than before" is great... like saying though nothing has exactly changed, I still have hope nice metaphor in the second stanza... meaningfully beautiful... liked the poem as a whole despite ^^
-
That was a great look at a creature that so many people seem to fear or run away from in disgust... I liked the poem a lot, because it flowed really well.
-
very good
it seems you are expressing your thoughts of the "moth" very well keep it up
peice out cole -
bravo
short, but so lyrical and so very lovely, indeed! You are a "natural"! bravo... bravo... bravo...
-
Don't think the first line is appropriate with this piece. There was no need of the narrator (you) mentioning another entity in the piece. The first line is out-of-place from the rest of the piece. I think you could write something that would exclude "you" from the piece, and it would make it a stronger write, as a whole.
-
Simply beautiful....
"Feeling my face, the moth flies from the drawer"
"Seeking the moon, the moon escapes the dust"
When moths do fly a dust escapes from them. How do you write with so much description and elegance? Steph, you are the most elegant writer I have ever read. The words you put down possess pure beauty. If I were an artist, I would paint a picture with these words. I'm still trying to find my way to that place. You're already there.
-
Nice I can see whats going on. Good job!
Peace^^V
The forrest vampire child
-
Nice write.
-
Amazing
This has a.. I'd say a kind, soft rhyme. It doesn't come out at you like WOW. It's soft. Hopefully you understand what I mean. Great imagery here, love the whole thing is based on a small moth. I absolutely love the title, that's what made me click it from the beginning. My favourite verse is the last one, it's beautiful.
Ahh! I just re-read it and something struct me. Is it about a moth being born and flying away towards light?
Good work
Adding your comment:
1 - 17 of 17
