If I let suffocate
Each silent tribute that my pain would raise,
Or let hush-caught lips intimate
That nothing is to gain,
And thus deceive with false lethargic haze
When painted tears could tease
Contrition-parody that others yearn
To see in drowning pain, could please
Their twisted hearts with gaudy
Show, and me in poison-bondage burn;
If frozen hell could glitter
Morphine-glass, mutilate all cheer;
Then might control be counted fitter
Than tears to separate
Affliction from base, overrated Fear.
Author notes
Rhyme: a variation on George Herbert’s “Affliction [II]” stanza:
A
B-C
A
B
C
Meter: Variable iambic lines, 3 - 5 - 4 - 3 - 5
Herbert was a 17th-century metaphysical poet, one of the best of this age, who experimented with an almost infinite variety of rhyme and metrical patterns in his poetry.
A contest entry
- Counting The Days in Autumn by I Am Gun.
425 points, ended September 20, 2007, 8 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A selection of style choices. by Aedara-Wren.
1650 points, ended February 26, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Impressive ...
yes, I'd say that fits. I'm glad you decided to enter this one.
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Concentrated imagery
Emblematically brilliant.
Ron
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George Herbert is a really impressive poet, I particularly like his emblem poems but obviously you already know that. This is also impressive with some excellent imagery. Well written, good luck in the contest.
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Herbert was, next to Milton, my favorite 17th century poet during my doctoral studies, and one of my favorites to teach. He is so endlessly inventive and imaginative. And his emblems are, as you note, among the best of the century. Thanks for the contest and the chance to look at this piece again.
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or maybe bronze
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Bronze to Amera's gold and "Whimpering Child" as silver ... that is an honor I deeply appreciate. Thank you.
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hmmm... well i must say i thouroughly enjoyed the english lesson although the poem just didnt do it for me but i think honerable mention is a good spot to be
thanks for entering
chrissy -
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Appreciate the comment. I knew while writing it that the poem wouldn't be to everyone's taste, and wasn't all that sure that I understood exactly where it was going. But I really appreciate the prompt and contest, because they triggered the piece, and after finishing it, I knew that it was an important one for me to write.
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This is a deep and interesting poem--one I am afraid that I don't understand. I am pretty much following the meaning (and gasp this is a voice in pain) until the last two or three lines. Control of emotions, control of seasons, or poem (or fear)? I really enjoyed it and read it several times--proof I think it is a wonderful read. Good luck in the contest! I felt it was an intricate dance over the page with complicated form and meaning. Sorry I didn't completely understand but this is not at all unusual for me.
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I think it is a more-or-less secular, 20th century echo of Herbert's 17th century religious assertion that, in spite of everything we might suffer, One suffered more, and therefore we can/should accept and learn in humility. I think.
At least that's what I had in mind at the time. The past few days have been rough, so when the word bank showed up, it suggested affliction, which suggested Herbert,which suggested his steadfast sense that all is ultimately under control, even if we do not understand how. Not giving in to fear/anxiety, discovering inner truth and strength in the face of difficulties, not worrying about others' perceptions of strength or weakness in us.... (Saw a bumper sticker this morning I liked: "Don't worry about what people think. They do it so seldom.")
And now I've written three times as many words as the poem says and I'm still not sure about it. At the time though, it made sense (even though that was only a few hours ago).
Helpful?
Anyway, thanks for the multiple readings, truly a compliment. And as much as it opens at all, I think you are moving nicely into the poem.
NOTE: Robert Browning was once asked what one of his poems meant and responded: When I wrote that poem, only God and Robert Browning knew what it meant. Now only God know. -
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Love both those quotes. Awesome job on a deep, very deep poem mate
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This is beautifully composed and I worked with this same word bank so I know what when through your head. I have never seen this form before which also excites me. I need to look up Herbert, I know, I'm showing my ignorance but I am willing to learn. You have created a wonderful flow and a vivid image. As always your poetry is a pleasure to read.
Love,
Amera♥
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