Looking into the mysterious darkness
Of what is to be the future
I cautiously shuffle forward
My heart pounding against my chest
My face is flushed and stricken with doubt
As my faith falls freely from worrisome tears
Fearing the unknown, the problems close ahead
My strength is shaken, my hope lost in the dark
Curiosity, have the best of me, pushes me onward
Into the uncharted territory, the blank script of our life
Patiently waiting to be written, to record our lives
Then store them safely, in the book of the past
Having seen the light through the blackness
My strength was renewed, my hope found
My fears and doubt I left behind
And my water fall of one thousand tears dried
Grabbing my pen, I fill in my script
With the words of my heart, flowing with love
And I walk forward, into the unknown again
Yet this time baring a smile upon my face
Author notes
POW
A contest entry
- The POW by Arkbear.
500 points, ended September 16, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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to gain strength is a good thing
wonderful poem -
I thought you brought some very interesting imagery into this piece, along with a soul-searching train of thought. Personally, I think this might have benefited if it had been broken into 2 or 3 stanzas, which would also slow the reader down a bit and let some of those heavy thoughts sink in easier. The language is simple but effective. I don't mind all caps at the beginning of lines, but I do believe punctuation would help with the flow of this as a whole. All in all, a very nice job.
Best wishes,
~J.
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As I said to Bear, thank you SO much for your lovely comment. And your ideas to help the poem. You were both very helpful, and I loved that you didn't make me feel like a terrible poet. Sometimes people do that, but all your comments were very encouraging.
Kelcey
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Awwww...thank YOU! We're here to encourage, not to make anyone feel like "a terrible poet".
I look forward to seeing more of your work in future contests. 
~J.
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Nice.........
......yet the first thing I will hit you on is presence
of all CAPS at the beginning of each line ~
The Flow is interrupted terribly by this common mistake ~
*have the best of me*
HAS, the best of me?
This is a wonderful write....full of *thought*
A vivid write worthy of spilled Ink ~
Lines 10-12 are genius ~
Not a jaw-dropping write....but it has merit for sure ~
Here are some other areas I looked at ~
Good luck to you Poet!
Bear ~
Title 9.3
Flow 8.3
Depth 9.4
Theme 9.4
Feelings 9.8
Grammar 8.9
Presentation 8.5
Uncommonness 9.6
Sit & Ponder Affect 10
Ability to follow Rules 10
Bears Score: 93.2
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I finally got to stay in the contest! Wow... thank you SO much for your comment. I' going to work harder and try my best to enter again in the future and keep trying for a tropy! I feel like I've made an improvement and I want to thank you for help me and being so encouraging. The scoring, is a great idea, it really makes a world of difference on what I need to focus on. Thank you Bear!!!
Kelcey
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You're most welcome!!
Could you possibly send a note of thank you to our new Judge?
It really does take a lot out of thier time to do this for the first time ~
hehe ~
Back breaking like her note said ~
Thank you for the compliment.....come back and join us again!!
Bear ~
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