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"Bite-a-Meat-a-Date-a-Man."

The new dating arrangements company for company
introducing the side stepper of love.
Don't be caught up in the tangled web of emotions
call, "Bite-a-Meat-a-Date-a-Man."

If you're run down and Dateless
struggling through promises of love
fed up with dinners for two at McDonalds
tired of pretending you like bowling to get laid
If you're tired of dating.com
then call, "Bite-a-Meat-a-Date-a-Man."
and let us arrange a full course meal.

Your satisfaction is guaranteed
If your "Bite-a-Meat-a-Date-a-Man."
does not fully satisfy you
perform to your satisfaction
every position and desired role
we'll give you a second date for free!!!

 

Our motto is: "If we can't knock the bottom out of it, there is no bottom!"


No more wasted nights of frustration
No more thirty second stallions
No more begging (unless requested)
No more emotional break-ups
No more meeting mom and dad

Call today be fucked tonight!

Optional plans for Role play, happen stance rendevouz's
We now have on-sight upgrade's, video recording and audio sound-tracking
additional day's and group discount's available for additional charge's

For the best stud service this side of Uranus call, "Bite-a-Meat-a-Date-a-Man."and get a bite that's a mouthful not just a taste!!!

"Bite-a-Meat-a-Date-a-Man." A Stud service!!!

 

 

Author notes

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Comments

1 - 26 of 26

  • 2lullabyhaven
    November 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I believe you've launched a new company with this write...this made date.com look like the abc's


  • ears2hearyou gold member
    March 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    oh my gawd....laughing & laughing!

    That was truly hilarous...and oh my gawd..I feel so relieved! I am not the only twisted poet on ap!
    Wonderful job letting your muse out to dance and tickle
    us with delight!
    From the motto...to the optional plans, even if you didn't want to laugh? I know we all did!
    What a joy that must have been to write!
    Thankyou for your entry! well done!
    ears2hearyou
    Kathleen/Seattle.


  • OnyxtheForsaken
    February 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Haha! Lovin it! Pardon the pun there lol something tells me you've got a niche here lol and you'd make a mint if you started this company lol great work and superb entry!


  • Menace
    December 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is ridiculous...so I pretty much laughed my head of with delight. I'm not impressed with the company name, but an excellent fictional service! lol
    Good luck in the contest.


    • Roaddog Wolf
      December 13, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      good deal

      glad you got to laugh that made the entry worth while thats what humor is for. thanks for contest as you can guess it doesn't fit allot of themes lol





  • poetryality silver member
    October 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Where the Hell did you come from

    This reminds me of something out of Pleasantville U.S.A.

    What was the original lampoon for this saying?

    Vita-something-Vegga-something. You gotta tell me. I'm going to go crazy until I know.

    This was fabulous! Simply marvelous! I think we have a winner!


    Great! He is our stud! And you sell him well. Thanks! Good luck sir. What a hoot!


    Much Love ♥

    Renee


  • HeavenonEarth
    October 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply


    This is hilarious! Very creative penning here and I enjoyed every minute of it. What a infomercial you have going on here! You pulled this one off as if you just whipped it out. (No pun here I swear)
    Thank you so much for the laughs!
    All the best in the contest
    Blesings~
    ~Joy


  • Celticmoon
    October 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply


    I just cannot stop laughing here. Your are a comical genius penning this piece. This is truly hysterical. Each line just grows more humorous begining with the title which is so uniqie. I would never have thought to come up with something like this I love this! Thanks for enteringand for the laughs!


  • Midnight Lace
    October 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    The title alone had me in stitches! This is just WRONG! If I had been sipping my soda while reading this, I'd be cleaning it off the screen by now. Great job! Best of wishes to you in the contest and keep that pen handy dear poet. ~Midnight Lace


    • Roaddog Wolf
      October 19, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      I'm a little slow sometime, sorry

      but I am really glad I made you laugh, I think I out did myself on this one I read it over and it cracks me up, makes me laugh. Nothing like entertaining myself, gets old laughing alone maybe I'll just call...Bite a nip a date a woman! LOL
      thanks for the comment


  • Griswold silver member
    October 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Heh, puts a totally new twist on meat-a-veg-a-vitamin, I'm not sure this one is any better at all Best of luck to you...Scott


  • Whoochi gold member
    October 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Oh Too frikkin funny....bowling to get laid...oh dam thats funnny..Best of Luck, excellent imagination and words here!


  • Touchof1der silver member
    September 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I can't stop cracking up here. I just love the motto...

    Our motto is: "If we can't knock the bottom out of it, there is no bottom!"

    The option plans are killer as well. Not to mention, "the best stud service this side of Uranus". You are way too funny. You must have had a blast with this. That is just too, too cute.

    I did notice two minor errors here that you might want to peak at when you get a free moment. In the lines:

    If [your]... should be YOU'RE... run down and Dateless

    If [your]... should be YOU'RE... tired of dating.com

    Thanks for taking the time to enter as well as lightening my mood for the evening. Good luck in the contest!
    ♥ Touchof1der


    • Roaddog Wolf
      September 30, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      thanks for the critique and kind words

      as well as the correction heads up. That is, I suppose my biggest writters glich your and you're. I just keep doing it like a big dummy, thanks for the heads up and I'm glad you got a laugh out of it. I am not one to give myself a back patting but what better kind of write to do it on than this one, I think it is funny as hell I stepped into my box on this one LMBO it's all good, having fun now , thank you.


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    September 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Well, - thank you for sharing...I think.

    I must admit, I did have to chuckle though...
    Bite a meat a date a man - good grief how did you come up with that.

    Thanks for sending my way to view.

    ~Pamela

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    September 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Indeed it would be a veritable treat,no less than a feast,to have more than a boast or a toast to a "thirty second stallion" I wrote a piece in a similar vein re a pizza and recieved the same question am now going to ask of you,where oh where is the 'phone number?!
    Since time began man has hired,taken or woed with alibies to get his prize and in this age of equality 'tis time ladies had a voice,a choice and a menu to boot
    A humouros,tongue in cheek write that raised a smile.


  • CatyBrie.
    September 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    lol.
    omg, i really hope this isn't real, but it's a great write. it'll have me laughing for days!!
    thank you for lightening up my life!!


  • HeavenScent4U
    September 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    well my friend, if this doesn't win gold in the contest, there is definitely something wrong with the judging system best of luck in the contest. be well and be blessed

  • Lady Dragonwyck
    September 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    That would be SOME service, all righty. Really cute write...

    Lady D


  • Rose Angel gold member
    September 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Boy, we're getting bold on the contests! On day a man is for sale...Now he is for hire! Your poem takes it al! I know why!FRUSTRATION...AND MAKE IT SO HUMOROUS IT COULD BE INSULTING...!!! BUT, SWEET, I THINK YOU WILL WIN...BECAUSE WHEN YOU GO WILD ABOUT A THING YOU GO WILD!!!!!!I think you will win...your offer for the ladies...seems to have alot of bonuses..but the bonus is YOU!HOPE YOU WIN...KNOW YOU WILL...YOUR HUMOUR AND YOUR SEXINESS TAKES THE TROPHY!


  • j-ay rose
    September 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    lol


  • misticmoonlite gold member
    September 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    well you sure did a good job..lol on this piece,sitting here laughing at this poem you did,so funny, thanks for the laugh..MM

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