Stars upon a velvet back ground,
moonbeams light up my surrounds.
Never before would I go out at night,
the mere thought gave me a fright.
But since you've been on the scene,
for long night walks I am now keen.
To me, shadowless places were holes,
where through shadows became lost souls.
Wandering forever aimlessly along,
waiting to capture one not so strong.
To drag down and poison you,
yes, going out at night was taboo.
Now I love the cool air of the dark,
for you tell me with your loud bark.
If any shadows come my way,
you keep me safe, come what may
A contest entry
- Slip into the Night by TeChNoWC.
525 points, ended September 28, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Have A Rewards Poem? Enter It Here!!!!! Almost Any Subject!!! by opaqueangel.
1225 points, ended December 4, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Songs We Grow to Like, Never STICK at First by Southern Darling.
1200 points, ended November 28, 2007, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Funny how love can make everythin seem better.
I swear it is nothing but an emotional drug with severe consequences for becoming addicted...but that's just my opinion as I wither away in withdrawal I guess.
Anyhell, great write.
-cheers
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I love this..Shows emotions and fear as well as security and protection.!!!wonderfully written.!!!
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I like the concept you're presenting to the reader, though it seems to me as though you're struggling with what that concept actually is. Your rhyming, though valiantly attempted, seems forced. Rhyming is all well and good, and can be an excellent tool to convey your point, the moment it seems forced, the reader begins to view it as a joke. Also, in trying to make this poem rhyme, you've managed to obliterate all pretty-factor that the words and phrasings might have possessed. A valiant try, though, and a great basic concept.
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It is very sweet that you have found someone that you can be comfortable with and feel safe even in the most unnerving situations! It however is such a shame that we have things we have to fear, especialy other people who would want to " To drag down and poison you,". It is so sad that we can't all get along and work twords the same goals of living lives productivly and at peace with one another. I know I got a little off topic here so anyway, I really liked the message of your peice and how you can share your trust and emotion with another, that is such a beautiful thing to have. I enjoyed reading this it is a great write! Good luck in the contest!
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Awww.... I'm dying to know who is the 'you' you speak of in the poem? Enlighten me please
Great write, great flow. You may want to change 'barks' to 'bark' to make it rhyme better and compliment the great flow this poem has. Lovely theme, I like how you finally reconcile your relationship with the night, how you come to embrace it, bravo
sweeeet as.
God bless for the contest!
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This beautiful written. My fav. part:To me, shadowless places were holes,
where through shadows became lost souls.
Very powerful wds used here. Saddie23
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Excellent
Very well written. A wonderfully descriptive poem. Best of luck in the contest.
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