The sun fell.
The moon usurped
in blackened cloak.
Fear choked the safe
of clear vision
as doleful owls warned
and bats taunted, cruel,
with flutter at my face.
Glancing back (for fright
of night's sudden upheaval)
revealed that shadow's stature
had grown
'til cowered shoulders
strengthened
and transformed spirit
marched.
In a list
A contest entry
- Overnight Quickie, 10 entries, 50 words by Cupcrazy.
550 points, ended September 15, 2007, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Nice use of disjointed voice (as opposed to your ususal fluidity) in indicating fear, indecision, and distress.
Beautiful insight, that we may be greater of soul and purpose than we imagine. That revelation, grasped, can motivate us to arise in strength from our cowering ashes to accomplish worthy feats previously undreamed of.
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I enjoyed this pen
very much. It takes me to the very first time I dreamed my reoccurring dream of "The House of Many Colors". I was terrified, but upon returning, my spirit stepped with caution and respect. Now I wander through the halls unafraid of the intensity of emotion that each room holds.
Write on~
)O(
DragonBlue
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nice i can see very clearly why this one has a bronze cup but i think it is deserving of getting a gold...well any i had nothing to do with that contest or your marks would have gotten a shiner cup. i am so glad that i was introduced to you via the contest you are featured in ...
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Extraordinary piece of work
Wonderful imagery, and well penned
Love light and peace
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Wonderful imagery here of being transformed and finding strength in the very darkness that we fear. Casting a large shadow...
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The title "stretches" the meaning and deeper elements of this wonderful piece. You capture a moment here
and turn it into an almost fable with its big lesson wrapped within a small package. Blue
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Beatutifully written. Your imagery is so telling. Wonderful subtle alliteration. Do I spy some internal rhyme as well? (stanza 4)
I love the way you use imagery to convey an emotion of fearfulness, trepidations, and even perhaps aloneness. Great uplifting turn at the end. Those last two stanzas are great. Love it!
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beautiful piece, lovely imagery.
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Oh, this reads like an extended haiku... how beautifully penned...the image is big and gains on me as I read it further down.
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