What knaves must deceive this twisted wreck?
Contortion within bondage,
Pain of isolation this doomed heart must check.
Threads of despair envelop the mind,
Opening archways of narrowing separation,
All but screeching, flaming hell can I find.
I yearn for solemn requisition,
To escape the tears of fading life,
To induce control, avoid the physician
That is strife.
More morphine please?
Mask this suffering,
Lethargic tease,
Requested buffering.
Would it will a child,
Fallen from grace,
No longer mild,
Break his face?
Burning, bashing, scraping noise
Lips of poison,
Plastic toys.
Broken barren bodies,
Flayed within the glass,
Paralysis embodies...
I think, I'll pass.
Cold and ravaged,
I seek escape.
Author notes
"independence can't exist in a cliche"
by TeChNoWC
A contest entry
- Counting The Days in Autumn by I Am Gun.
425 points, ended September 20, 2007, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Very nice work with the prompt--and a poem that looks like what it is talking about, that is as ragged and rough as its speaker, and as ideally formed for its theme as possible. Congratulations.
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i love this poem and i wouldlove to put you on the finalist list but you did not include my quote in you authors comments if you change that then you will be numero uno
thanks
chrissy -
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Sorry, hardly ever bungle that one... Done
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Gorgeous!
This is utterly amazing. I am in love with the fragmented scheme of things. Utter love.
However, I think, that even though this is scattered, the stanzas could be a bit more even. And the end... It goes from rhyming to really not, and the very furst thing I did was ask myself "where is the rest of that". I love the imagery in this, but I believe that the ending could be a bit more solid.
But that's all I can nit-pick. I love this alot. <3
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Thankyou very much for your help, I might consider doing the end again... I was distracted at the time and did kind of finish it off a bit abruptly. I also felt a bit odd about the lack of rhyme, but thought I could get away with it... I also thought I should go back and make all the stanzas four lines each... So yes, I am contemplating... Thankyou once again, my kindest regards to you
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