Stuttering steps
Drumming beats
Breaths that skim the surface,
"No..."
Author notes
terror
A contest entry
- WORD ECONOMY CHALLENGE! Ten-Word Poems... by TooRainbow.
675 points, ended September 23, 2007, 21 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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That last line really quickened my pulse. Great job.
Carrie
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like this one..Very well done...
All the best!
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WONDERFUL!
This is outstanding! I particularly like the way your final word resounds: "No..." It brings the intensity of the emotion home with a thud that quakes the ground. It also answers all the questions your previous word usage raises in the reader's mind. "Stuttering steps": I wondered, "a baby learning to walk? a dance? walking timidly? repeating mistakes?" "Drumming beats": I thought, "intensity! music, as to support the idea of a dance? the even pitter-patter of baby's feet? head-hunters chasing? heart pounding in a chest?" "Breaths that skim the surface": I built on previous questions "out of breath from frenzied dancing? doesn't sound like it could be something to do with a baby anymore" and thought of new questions, "excitement?, a love that is new (timidity, shyness, throbbing heart, inability to breathe)?" Then in a single word, "No..." all the ideas swirling around in my head dropped motionless to the floor and I felt my blood turn cold from the icy grip of terror! Wonderful piece~beautifully written! This is fun to read; it's like working a puzzle. You really describe 'terror' here, not just 'fear'. The way you deliver the blow is reminiscent of being stopped dead in my tracks with every hair on my body standing at attention and my heart desperately trying to escape through my throat. Thank you for writing such a gem for my contest! Good luck!
Sheryl
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i got the feeling of being scared, frightened.
paranoid mayb e. -
oh yes oh yes..i loved this one.
alot of great emotion in few words.
Amazing piece. best of luck to you
Tory
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