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poisons better than love

you always make me smile
but only if you want something in return
i try to make it all worthwhile
but in the long run,im the one getting burned.

after you get what you came for
you treat me like i am a hoe
most of the comments i try to ignore
but sometimes they are very low.

i sit and try to be nice to you still
but then you think you can walk all over me
how do you think you would feel
if i treated you like you were nothing?

i used to love with every beat of my heart
but your taking a knife to it now
maybe it is best we are apart
there is no turning back now.

my heart feels like it was torn to shreads
after you promised to keep it from harm
still wanting you is something i dread
and now i have to keep my heart on alarm.

Author notes

this is option 4..."over you"by daughtry!!
this is also a real life poem so its cool how i could fit my poem with his song...hehe!!

i would like to be your AP sister

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • GypsyEyes
    December 20, 2007
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    Congrats on the 3 honorable mentions this has gotten. Yeah, the only thing I would say is that, if you treated this person like they were nothing they'd prolly just turn and walk away! cause they don't have the same love as you do, just skimming thry poems and saw this one again and wanted to add my thoughts to my earlier opinion.


  • GypsyEyes
    November 20, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I know exactly how you feel! The flow was little off but i understood what you ment.
    ~Dommi


  • ThatONEweirdChick
    November 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Yeah this poem is pretty good. =]. There's a little confusion in it..I can't point it out but it's just something...


  • BrokenDawn
    November 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I've read this through twice and there are parts that i still don't quite get but i really like it! Its a very interesting piece!
    Goodluck
    ~Dawn


  • Lyrical Rain
    November 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This actually very good. I can see a lot of young girls relating to this so much because normally those are the ones that end up in these type of relationships. Beautifully expressed.


  • Seeking Serenity
    November 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful. Good Luck!


  • TwiztidMaggot
    October 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wow, this is really good. (Over You, that's an awesome song! Daughtry rocks!) it's sad how many people can relate to his... but it's life. good work! keep it up! thanks for your entry. good luck in my contest and whatever other contest is open right now... congrats on your two honorable mentions! keep up your amazing work!

    Crimson


  • Nam
    October 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "but in the long run,im the one getting burned." - there should be a space between the comma and "im" and "im" should be "i'm" or "I'm".

    "you treat me like i am a hoe" - a "hoe" is what a tool used in a garden. You mean "ho".

    "but your taking a knife to it now" - "your" would be "you're" as in "you are taking a knife to it now".

    Other than those things: a nice poem that you have written here.


  • TheAshtrayGirl
    October 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    :)

    Great poem
    I understand all the emotion
    I've been there, done that, worn the t-shirt
    It's a horrible feeling.

    Good luck in my contest

    Jaz <3


  • torieshawesum
    October 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    i want ANGER NOT A LOVE STORY!

  • Purple-Meow
    October 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    VERY NICE, i loved the feelings and everything about it
    GOOD LUCK


  • TheLostGirl
    October 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is so heartbreaking but trust me been there and done that I think its great that you can express your self in GOOD rhyme this was a very good entry thank you for entering can you put what part of my ap fam you want to be


  • Tattboyspet
    September 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    the second last stanza's rhyming didn't do it for me, and shreads is spelt shreds


  • Erotik Rose silver member
    September 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was nicely written with emotions well expressed, I know just how you feel.
    Good luck in the contest


  • HpWICKEDangel
    September 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "and no wi have to keep my heart on alarm."

    this is a good piece. very heart felt. sorry that it happened. and it all happens to us at least once in our life, if not more than that. glad that you shared this piece. and good luck in the contest.

1 - 15 of 15