Resurrection

I remember when
he sent my heart soaring
floating through the air
like a...
hot air balloon.

Yeah...
a hot air balloon...
fueled by the heat of fire.

There was an intensity...
a fiery blast
every time I started to land...
forcing me higher once again...

and...

I remember when
the sound of his voice
would calm me...
soothe me...
reaffirm and approve me...
When he could mold me...
remake me...
form me into what and who
he wanted me to be.

Then I got that phone call
that tainted the purity of it all...
I heard his voice
on her voice mail...
listening my ivory skin
become ashen pale...
and second by second
as I listened to his words for her...
a part of me died...
our love was a lie.

Time went on and I
learned to heal...
I learned to think on my own
and to feel...
thoughts from my mind...
feeling from my soul...
I learned to be complete without him...
learned to be whole.

And now...

Now here he is
in my life once again...
seeking forgiveness
for his abominations and his sins...
Telling me he loves me
and that he always will...
begging and pleading with me
to say I love him still.

What would I be resurrecting?
The hurt, the lies, the disloyalty,
or the loss of my own identity?
Or the true love, the passionate intensity,
and the feeling of euphoria in me?

Can I trust him to be true to me?
Is faith even possible remotely?
Do I really still love him
or
am I in love with what could be?
Does he truly see the treasure in me?
Or will he continue to take me for granted?
Will he hold me in his arms forever?
Or will he leave me feeling...
disenchanted?

As the phone rings ...
I take the easy way out...
watching the caller i.d.
the fool in me begins to scream...
"Answer the phone and
say you love him!"...

and the battle begins...
as the phone rings and rings...
until...

the silence slices through the air...
no more ringing phone...
and there I sit...all alone.