You take the world out of my eyes
And hide it in a box
You take the pain that my heart cries
And chain it with your locks
You take my mind from where it lies
And give it angels’ wings
You take the joy from all my days
And make it do strange things
You take the sun from heavens hands
And bid it fill all your demands.
Author notes
Prompt: "You take the world out of my eyes"
This is my first contest!! Hope you all had as much fun as I did.
A contest entry
- Quickie... again by Exodus.
300 points, ended September 14, 2007, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Well welcome to the world of contests then
I liked the repetition in this, and while I am not usually one for rhyme, this was done surprisingly well. Thank you
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very nice
really enjoyed this read. congrats on the write and thanks for sharing.
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'You take the sun from heavens hands
And bid it fill all your demands' -- I loved that as an ending. There's an immense amount of power in your words.
I think you rhymed this quite well - it flows nicely with the repetition of 'you take... etc'
Best of luck in your first contest. This piece is beautifully penned.
DancingRed. -
A very nice take on the prompt hun! Very powerful thoughts penned here. Best wishes in the contest!
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