The night is like the eye of the storm,
calm and silent,
the breath before the plunge,
they are restless,
lurking in the shadows,
watching for prey
a girl strolls by....
and it begins.
Swiftly they stalk her,
watchful of where they step,
feline gracefulness lends them silence,
they get closer and closer....
A branch snaps, she turns...
sees them, opens her mouth,
whispers "but you don't exist..."
as she is swiftly and smoothly decapitated,
Her blood runs hot,
they feast on her till all that is left is her eyes
they are reflected in them...
human in all but their teeth...
they stare for a moment,
at their intimidating reflections...
shrug and continue on their hunt....
for prey
Author notes
Beautiful Tragedies, Option one
A contest entry
- 7 Trophies or LESS. LOTS OF POINTS by God is my reality.
700 points, ended September 29, 2007, 22 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Darkwrite Extravaganza Season II, Round I by Immortal Obscurity.
400 points, ended May 19, 2008, 16 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite Heaven by Heavenly Angel.
700 points, ended March 27, 84 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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Oooh awesomely dark and eerie
My kinda piece
A fine sharing this is! Thank you for entering this into my contest
All the best! -
Stunning language, amazing imagery... You have given me everything I wanted from this contest. You could definitely put up a fight for the top spot. Well done,and good luck!
Laura x -
Wow, this poem was amazing. I was holding on to the suspense until the very end of the poem. I loved it.
XXCrimsonRaineXX -
wow you painted an amasing picture with your words.....you always know that a poem is good if it paints a picture in your head and yours did and it was really good. so thanks for the good read
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This was a great poem. I could actually see this happening. I love poems like that. Keep up the good work. I am hard to creep out with stories and movies. this was definitely a good one. Thanks.
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Wow. Send chills down my spin reading this. What a wonderful way to express the fictional world entering our own. Absolutely wonderful.
Keep up the good work! -
Wow! Great poem indeed. I love how you never actually say what the hunter is. It leaves it up to the imagination. I thought of ghosts at first, but then thought of vampires (partially because of my ongoing obsession with the Stephanie Meyer Twilight series) Again, good job and I look forward to reading more of your poetry.
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simply amazing! it paints a wonderful image of what it may be like if being in actual existence in this piece in a very dark way. I love how it sent those thoughts and some shivers through me and my mind... but excellent job!You have done well.congrats at winning the contest. and i wish you the best of luck in the future, keep up thegood work.
. Rewarded 6
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Very dark poem you have penned here - makes one think of vampires, werewolves, creatures of the night. Liked the flow of the lines, not sure of all the .... at the end of the lines in the second verse. Congratulations on winning an HM in one of the contests this poem was entered in.
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This was really good. It gave me shivers. It was very well written! Great Job!
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..Eeeep.. that makes me want to check under my bed at night. Not at all to my taste but very well written nontheless
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scary!!!!
well written with great flow but I'm afraid it's a little to grewsome for my liking.lol.but still an excelent write. -
Yuck!... that was defintely creepy... but GREAT!... I would ahve loved it to have been abit longer that way I could've reacted more... You've definatekly got something great there... as a starter... well done!
. Rewarded 4
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wow.
this is. deep
amazing vibe n stuff
loved it
keep it up -
An enjoyable piece of poetry, starts off all sweet and then tumbles into destructive chaos, it is all good, a good poem.
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Great write, a little scary but the imagery is great. Good luck in your contest.
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ick.... lol. Thats creepy. Its always creepy outside when its dark and that is the atmostphire that I got from this. Great poem.
Thank you for sharing your work in our contest and good luck to you...
~Lumin -
Sorry I didnt get to judge this man I do apologize for that but this is a grat earie writ eand I like it is there suppose to be a double her at the end of the first line in the second stanza?
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Wow, a brilliantly written piece here, great fantasy...
Thanks for entering this great piece and good luck in my contest =)
Preliminary finalist =) -
A nice horror poem. Telling a tale in a short poem in a climax of a persons life. I like that and I like how you have her speaking in the poem as well. And the hidden metaphors that come with the creatures that you talk about.
Keep up the great works! -
I felt like you were rushing to get the story down and therefore the poetic nature of this piece suffered. It could be much more gripping and thrilling with a bit of time and passion put into. Reminded me of vampires, and a little bit of one scene particular in a book called Twilight by Stephenie Meyer.
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A very intresting piece. Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest.
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Whoah, that is so cool. I love it. It is so good. Just wow. I like it a lot. It is different, and I like the free verseness of it
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decapitation?
was deffinately unexpected -
aweeeesome. love it. =]
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Transcend All
Groovy! You drew a cool scene of darkness and haunting feelings and whispers of the night that bring with them the coldness of death. I think it's groovy that your trying our a new genre for your creativity. I would read more.
Namaste'
. Rewarded 4
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Incredibly creepy. Not what I was expecting by the description. I was expecting more of an emo type poetry, but this is much, much better than what I could have anticipated.
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niiice. creepy yet seductive .. *drools* lol
love the imagery too ... good job bridget!
"but you dont exist" ... oooo but what if they do =O who knows eh -
Creepy...gave me chills lol. Reminded me of an episode of a show called Supernatural...anyways... I really liked your first three lines - I think it's safe to call them my favorites, simply because of the imagery there. It's a feeling and a picture, and the rest is like a story. The only thing that really bothered me is that you only have one period in the whole piece and an awful lot of ellipses I'm always saying the punctuation is underappreciated and can really influence the pace and flow and overall meaning of poetry, but then I've been accused of over-appreciating punctuation lol. Just a thought, if you feel like revisiting your punctuation choices. I know we can't use itallics on here, but I would love her whisper of "but you don't exist" to be set off from the rest of the narrative in some way similar to itallics. Only other suggestion I have - I think you can do something more with how they see themselves in the distorting curve of a dead eyeball than just saying "their intimidating reflections" and a shrug. Make it ring! Anyways, very viseral...I'm going to go get the shivers out of my spine now. Keep writing!
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"a girl stroll by"
strolls*
Oh wow.
Sort of creepy yet sort of thought provoking.
I'm still trying to decipher whether I really like it a lot or not.
[That's not a bad thing.]
It's just one of those pieces that there is no inbetween I suppose.
It's definitely different, I will admit.
[Also, not a bad thing.]
Great read.
Nice job.
Thanks for entering and good luck!
<3
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very well
this is a great poem. i love how it has a some what hidden morbidness
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