These whirling queries in my mind's recess
dance their chaotic waltz eternally.
Alas, no answers do I yet possess.
This blackness terrifies me, I confess,
and doubts like gnats plague unrelentingly
these whirling queries in my mind's recess.
This labyrinth that I travel by duress,
its tangled paths shift unexpectedly.
Alas, no answers do I yet possess.
Within this maze the beast of Theseus nests,
his purpose to confuse so viciously
these whirling queries in my mind's recess.
Though I elude him in this fruitless quest,
his claws have torn me undeniably;
alas, no answers do I yet possess.
But onward through the dankness must I press
and try to conquer most assuredly
these whirling queries in my mind's recess . . .
alas, no answers do I yet possess.
Author notes
A villanelle (my first).
A contest entry
- A contest for sonnets and villanelles only. by ecrivain01.
425 points, ended October 7, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme Time by Danna Hobart.
375 points, ended October 12, 2007, 32 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - One by Nam.
425 points, ended October 6, 2007, 16 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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Bandit United!
A fantastic Villanelle, in fact outstanding for your first one
There are some amazing lines full of imagery, and they whirled inspiringly through my head...it has good rythm, and the lines you penned suited the theme in repetition...a dream to read
Love and smiles...
~Lilac
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BANDITS UNITED
Oh how you tease the reader here with your verbage. (lines five, seven,) and your last, great rhyming. congrats on the gold and your first,villanelle Excellent.
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Bandits United!
Yay for the Villanelle! I like the unusual rhyming words you have used in this piece ~ it makes for a refreshing change from the norm.
Congratulations on the Gold in your last contest entry ~ well deserved, methinks.
This made me think of Harry Potter, for some reason...in the Tri Wizard Tournament!
Anyway, enjoyed the read, and I hope you enjoy your day to shine in our spotlight.
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Bandits United!!
Oh My Wonderful piece You have versed and Love the form You weaved~~especially for Your first Villanelle~ Wow!!
Magnificent!!
Congratulations on Your Trophy win!
-Throws confetti-
Woooooooooo Hoooooooooooo
This labyrinth that I travel by duress,
its tangled paths shift unexpectedly.
Alas, no answers do I yet possess.
These lines grabbed~~
Thank You for sharing Your Talent and Spirit~
Many blessings to You in all You do Sweet Soul
Best wishes too
and much love~ Desire~*~
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Bandits United!
Beautifully written, great use of vacabulary, wonderful rhythm, rhyme and assonance. Deep emotional expression.
Love & Light
Debbera
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Bandits United!!!
well written. the rhythm and rhyme are good. the message is clear. you are quite talented. thank you for sharing this. keep writing! God bless you always
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Bandits United
I enjoyed your write very deep. Your form and flow are good. Congratulations on gold well deserving.
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Bandits United
Sorry I do not know what a Villanelle means. I love the content of the write. I can relate to not knowing all the answers sometimes there are no answers to some questions.
It a very meaningful write. I truly enjoyed reading it.
Great work.
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BANDITS UNITED!
Well, you have mastered the Villanelle! Excellent piece. I enjoyed the assonance of phrases such as "beast of Theseus" and "whirling queries". Also like the simile of "doubt like gnats".
Great piece! -
Bandits United
Well, my first thought on this poem is that I love the vocabulary you use. The more sohpisticated the vocabulary the better the piece in my opinion. I love the rhyme scheme you have going on and the structure. Excellent work!
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BANDITS UNITED YAY!
Happiness is the good feeling that comes from writing a satisfying poem and then being appreciated! You should be happy today, by all means. A splendid write here with images that bring admiration from the reader. 
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Bandits United
Your first?! And I was thinking as I read it, "the first villanelle I've read in a while that actually uses the form well!" The repetition works so well for the theme. This was really enjoyable!
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BANDitS UNITED: This is your day in the spotlight. Enjoy. Lovely trophy winning poem you have penned here. Great write for a first time villanelle. Liked the sidebar leaves as well.
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Bandits United!
Wow, what a beautiful poem! I'm impressed because you are saying this was your first Villanelle, it reads really well, making me think you already had a lot of experience in writing these poems when you wrote this one...
You have some excellent metaphors and such things in this poem, I love it very much!
Congrats on the gold and HM, they are well-deserved!
Keep on writing!
Annie
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Bandits United !!!!
Wonderful, just wonderful reading this has a lovely flow and grand imagery emotions are strong a great show of talent I find in these words written...
Have a great day in the spotlight
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Bandits United!
Wow this is truly beautiful! I have never written a villanelles, but by your write I can tell they are a beautiful form. Wonderful and amazing imagery throughout. Congrats on the Gold and Hm well deserved. I so enjoyed reading this morning. Your poem touched me deeply I too am trying to find my way back from the darkness and the demos who are chasing me each day. Again an amazing write.
Enjoy your day in the spotlight and I hope it will bring many smiles to you lovely face Theresa
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Excellent rhyme. I can see why this is gold.
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Wonderful Gold!
Well done, Carrie! I loved this poem. Your FIRST villanelle? Incredible!
May I please steal your background? It talks to my soul.
Love
Myra
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Well written villanelle!
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Because I got so many entries, I am going to judge this a little different than I normally do. On the contest page the challenge was to write a rhyming poem that shows instead of tells, with imagery and metaphor galore. In addition to those things, I am going to take the meter and rhythm into account along with originality. So I am going to award points for each of those things and then sort of tally them at the end to decide on the winners.
Show vs. Tell: 50/100
Out of 19 lines only about 5 of them show rather than tell, but I gave you extra credit for the title.
Concrete Images: 40/100
In the 4th stanza, the image of the tangled labyrinth is strong and really delicious.
Metaphor/Simile/Allusion: 90/100
The mention of the beast of Thesus is a nice allusion to Greek mythology. It also serves to back up the image of the labyrinth.
You use some other metaphors, the chaotic waltz and the gnats, and the title, which is a brilliant double entendre.
Originality: 90/100
The “million questions” is a cliché. Unfortunately, I don’t have any suggestions on how to change it. Nobody can be completely original all the time.
Meter: 70/100
In the second line, I feel the word “chaotic” throws off the rhythm.
In the first line of your last stanza, I think the word “the” should be cut because it hinders the rhythm as well, at least to my ear. -
Good job using the villanelle format. Very nice descriptions and imagery. Good luck in the contests and thanks for sharing your poem.
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Villanelles are my favourite and I so enjoy writing them but Carrie this is amazing, are you sure that this is your first attempt,lol. You should be very proud of yourself because you have done a remarkable job here. Well done and good luck in the contest. Val
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Such a lovely poem, beautiful imagery. Good luck.
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My lovely friend ...
You weave such a wonderful tale within these lines, all melodic and so full of imagery and metaphor and all the gorgeous bits that make poetry so interesting.
If this is your first villanelle ... then I can't wait to see subsequent ones!!
What an amazing talent you possess for these various forms. I am constantly in awe.
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Bravo!!! Bravo!!! Bravo!!!
Wow
my friend, for your first villanelle you just blew me away. To use the rhyme scheme you did and not have to force one single thing I say kudos to you. This flowed so naturally and the meter was perfect. Form poetry is fantastic and you do have more than a knack for it. I was held captive from the title right to the very last syllable in this one. My first villanelle wasn't near the level of this. Thank you for sharing your gift with us and best wishes in the contest. It sounds golden to me. Love and God bless you my friend, Joyce
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Be Honest
As you clearly continue to impress
There is no room in your mind for recess
Be it empty space or a place to nest
Per your poetry your mind has the best
Congratulations on this villanelle
It should win the prize because it is swell
Sorry, for me it is late in the day
I must go to sleep but first I must pray.
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Not bad ...
Interesting that you use "its" correctly, and know what the beast of Theseus is. I suspect that not many on here would do either one. Anyway, for a first try, this is pretty good.
Thanks for entering.
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