home, revisited

[1]
tis a sad and strange mystery that you love
strange and new yet bold
unfamiliar
the heart doesn't seem to comprehend
that which is clearer
and more sincere

tis a sad and strange mystery that you love
when it comes unbidden
yet often enough it does
silent and unwelcome
the secret heart's proclamation
that life will undermine itself
before common sense will

tis a sad and strange mystery that you love
strange because it will rule you
sad because it will destroy you

[2]
thoughts come unbidden often in this troubled mind
its curious to me how these thoughts follow through
why do i not connect with ________?
why do i eschew human contact?
//but no
such is a fallacy
i connect with humans
but those with whom i should be close i avoid
and those with whom i am close
i am not
and there are times where i desire the closeness of other people
but never enough for me to exit my comfort zone
besides
there is a part of me that honestly believes they have
never
connected to me
and they never will

[3]
les temps en temps...
je pense du lui
de les autre
de la femme
l'ange
de l'homme
la flamme
je veux que j'oublie tous
je n'aime pas l'amour
je n'aime pas
je veux que j'oublie
parce que la vie est trop difficile
pour l'amour
la musique
répétera le mémoires d'ils
le ris d'elle
le sourire d'il
les rêves
les mémoires
les mots
les pensées
tous
ma tête a confuse tous
les images qui chasse
je ne peut pas

[4]
eyes on the walls before me
the light from the sky filters
through grey clouds
the windows
my soul is crying like the sky
like the silence
like this room in which i am
surrounded by people
and yet
completely
alone

how is it?
how did i find this place?
how do i try...