My soul bleeds into the creamy white abyss
Screaming into the hollow void, created by sorrow.
My heart is my canvas, and etched upon its walls
Are the scars: Macabre cave-drawings, from a world away.
Each verse is a voice, stabbing the silence
Tearing through the tapestries of my life.
And each word, a blade, which slices my soul
So that I may bleed again, to know I'm alive
In case I've forgotten that I still bleed red.
But let them come, with their scourges and swords
Paint the town scarlet, with a brush made from thorns
And impale my heart upon a stake, so that I am
An example to fools, who dare to believe.
Every last piece of me, cannibalized by despair
Gutted and dismembered, my bloodied heart on display
Internal organs spilling out for all to see
But you only turn to laugh in the face of pain.
There will be no funeral for my soul tonight
No tombstone to commemorate my greatest loss.
This death of a love, my legacy forever
With only the wind's mournful cry as my epitaph.
Though how can you look into my vacant eyes
And stomach the sounds of my final breath
As my collapsed lungs struggle to cry out
For it was you who brought me to my bitter end.
Author notes
I am a rather morbid writer, therefore I found it fitting that I pen my verse of pain in the darkest, most morbid wording I could possibly think of.
It might not seem like it, but this poem is actually about the trials and tribulations of being a poet, of exposing such a personal part of your soul to the masses. If you have any questions, please ask me.
In a list
- i. gold. • next in list
- iv. honourable-mentions. • next in list
- ii. silver. • next in list
- iii. bronze. • next in list
A contest entry
- Words of Darkness by NakedHeart.
410 points, ended September 26, 2007, 18 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Darkened Decimation & Bleeding Emotions by Synthetic-Nightmare.
2040 points, ended December 4, 2007, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Picture Inspiration:: Gauze And Gasmasks by Fey Absinthe.
550 points, ended April 19, 2008, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - best prewrites by dory.
500 points, ended July 30, 2008, 89 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PW Of Certain Types by Blooming Poet.
500 points, ended September 27, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 75 of 75
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I found myself thinking of this in 3 ways.
It is difficult to grasp the import of this as a personal lament unless the protagonist is important as an entity or adversary to the reader.
The next still imagines the writer as the protagonist of the story who struggles with the poetic process until finally mortally drained in body and soul.
The last is a personification of the poem itself lamenting its own struggle to be born/created, live and die. Its bitterness is directed toward the poet as to an unfeeling god who made it, tortured it, then left it to die when it was finished.
An interesting, though somewhat uncomfortable, discomfitting poem.
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wow! this is a very good poem. the picture ties together the pain in the words.
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wow this is wonderful for a dark poem your emotions keep the reader on the edge all the way though I enjoyed the following lines brillant beautiful dark
My soul bleeds into the creamy white abyss
Screaming into the hollow void, created by sorrow.
My heart is my canvas, and etched upon its walls
Are the scars: Macabre cave-drawings, from a world away.
congratulations on your shiny good luck in the contest
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My favorite part of this piece was the second verse. I enjoyed this poem very much & I thank you for your entry
Kari
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I enjoyed this. Very well done.
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not bad ty for entering I like your pic
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also, I LOVE YOUR Title! tabula rasa...blank slate...SO perfect!!!!!!!
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beautifully dark!
THIS IS SO BREATHTAKINGLY AMAZING!
your words are saturated with bitterness... and I hear the anger when I read it...great diction....glad I read this!
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This is outstanding! So powerful and very POTO influenced I love your work this is a masterful and talent-fiklled write congrats on the trophies, the main reason I clicked here is because the tilte is A Buffy Episode my fave on actually and it is latin for "clean slate"
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How did you come up with the title of this poem?
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Thanks for this entry as well...some poem...double meaning? what might that be? hahaah
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Lovelovelove.
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not got a glue what it's about but boy dose it flow your great at putting words together
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go with flow
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wow
this poem was just amazing i mean just amazing. you have a very good talent for writeing. great job!!!!!!!!!!
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I don't usually favour dark writes such as these, but yours was amazing. It kept me interested, your flow was good, and I like the image you created with your words. Very well done. keep writing.
Best of luck and thanks for entering my contest
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those sharp words will make anybody bleed with you....very intense..
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Phantom Of The Opera.
I love these visuals!! AND I FREAKING LOVE YOU!!! YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!!!!! -
I am not very fond of dark, morbid, emo, or poems focused on actual death, or using death as a metaphor. To me it has been to overdone, over used and is no very generic and unoriginal.
I cannot say I am fond of the length either, but I liked the title, and I did like some of the ways you phrased things. I think you have potential, but I don't think this poem does.
Sorry for being harsh, but I said I would be, and the contest was only for people who wanted honest critiques.
Thanks for trying,
Shirley -
this is dark
however it sounds like something I would write but a whole lot better.
I love this! my favorite part was "each verse is a voice, stabbing the silence." beautifu -
Beautifully dark and descriptive here, I felt pure emotion and sadness, sorrow and stark sarcasm almost in one part. Beautiful, but very true, it's how I feel often too.
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omg! this is soo amazing! i like it alot!!! i even picked up on the religious undertone. i love all those images your words painted in my head! love it alot!!
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this is amamazing !! i agree!! i didnt pick up on a the religious undertone though. i got the artist thing. i love this one!!
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wow....this is amazing! i love all of the graphic details!
yea i picked up on the religious undertone aswell..
still,one of my favourite poems. great work
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first off, congrats on your previous achievments in prior contests...secondly while reading this my eyes drifted back to the picture then sank back into your elegant and violent words...needless to say, i am a touch on the biased side of dark writes, and this one spoke to me as a whisper, and commanded my attention with its louder phrasing...nice job, and thank you for accepting my invite to this contest
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amazing...
i deeply loved this...it brought back a lot of memories of sliding that blade across my skin...exactly how it felt...hmmm...very nice write!!!VERY NICE!!!
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Funny you should say thatI've never cut, but the message was more that of an artist baring his/her soul to the masses, only to be laughed at... But to each their own
Someone even picked up on a more religious undertone that even I hadn't thought of
Anyway, yeah... This is my absolute favourite of my poems to date, and I'm glad you enjoyed it as I did Thank you for your kind comment!
love and light,
laura xxx
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I can believe this is your most morbid wording. The tone was a tormented one. The visuals were dark but the language was elegant, despite the violent, gory nature of the work. I like the sound devices in the fourth stanza. Dark Poetry done well.
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Really really really really awsome!
It's dark but enchanting, I love it! -
I really enjoyed this piece. Thank you for entering my contest. If I had to chose 2 words to describe this poem they would be Beautifully dark. The text was stunning, but I think at some parts you were trying too hard to be grim. The descriptions of gore were a little much. I did love this part, though:
Though how can you look into my vacant eyes
And stomach the sounds of my final breath
As my collapsed lungs struggle to cry out
For it was you who brought me to my bitter end.
To me it just screams of heart ache and it's beautiful. Thank you for entering. -
No
While you did a good job in penning a morbid, dark, intense atmosphere to the poem & displaying lots of emotion, I felt that some pieces in this were a little cliche & some of the descriptions were not mind-capturing. My attention wondered at pieces & I felt you became weaker a little towards the end. But overall it does display talent, but it just didn't "get" me. But, you got threw, so good for you & heres to hoping you prove me utterly wrong. Good luck. Thanks; Ryan. -
Yes, goods luck
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Yes
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Yes
This is rich in both imagery and description and held me from start to end.
Good luck!
La x
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wow.. lol this is very morbid.
Every last piece of me, cannibalized by despair
Gutted and dismembered, my bloodied heart on display
I do like the line cannibalized by dispair.... great line....
Thank you so much for entering our contest and the best of luck to you....
~Lumin. -
This was pretty like a skull with daisies growing out of the eye sockets.
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very graphic imagery! you do this well.
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I WOULD DIE A THOUSAND BRUTAL DEATHS
OH........MY.......GOD.
This poem makes want to ride on the backs of the dead into battle when society declines and defeat the masses with my sword made of bones ingalfed in flames of the wicked one.
Or in other words
IT WAS GOOD -
Wow... congrats on the gold, the bronze and the two honorable mention trophies, this was really amazing! You are correct when you call yourself a morbid writer, but hey that's part of your charm.
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pretty intense. thanks for the comment and the warm welcome, let it bleed onto the paper.
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This poem really captures us
and I agree with your notes, their are many double meanings you could read into this poem.
Cleverly and smartly written to enjoy!
Fearless you are with your metaphors!
Good good job, and congrats on the awards!
ears2hearyou
Kathleen /Seattle.
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good luck with the contest.. it's an amazing write! I particularly like the line 'Paint the town scarlet, with a brush made from thorns' because i thought it was a very original idea
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This is beautifully dark. I love it. Eactly what wanted....
**Ktulu Blackwolfe** -
Vivid and dark detail. Capturing in the way you worded this piece. Nicely done.
Thanks for entering your write at A N Y T H I N G ~ G O E S ! Good luck!
M a r l u x i a
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Medium-rare and perfectly juicy, Dear Poet..
I have to thank you for not writing in an
over-done fashion within your genre.
This is just how I like 'em.
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Wow. What wonderful flow this poem has. It's emotion and descriptive words are so strong, I cannot even pick favorite verses to give you, I loved them all. Thank you very much for entering this into my contest, it is a truly wonderful work of dark writing.
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This was a nice.Well expressed with a nice flow to it.Thanks for entering
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wow...
I especially like:
"Each verse is a voice, stabbing the silence
Tearing through the tapestries of my life."
I find the portion particularly amazing!
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Wow. I need a second to recover!
That was truly intense. You managed to write in a dark style, while still somehow maintaining some semblance of elegance. I truly enjoyed this. Keep it up, and thanks for the comment on my poem as well.
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this is an amazing write though im not to clear on which member you are wanting to be im geussing a sister or cousin but with everything in your autors notes its a little confusing
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nice
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Nice Job, thanks for entering
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I love this very much, One of the top
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beautiful
im a creature drawn to the darkness and you you more attracting than any others. i love your poem and it could be the winner in the conntest
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This is a very nice poem Thank you for entering I wish you the best of luck in my contest
RedwingSpirit -
I really like this. It's very powerful -
And impale my heart upon a stake, so that I am
An example to fools, who dare to believe.
Oh, I dare to believe, darlin' - I dare to believe. -
This was really good. You used beautiful imagery and the violence of it makes it stick in one's mind. I think you could be a professional poet if you keep it up.
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Wonderful
What a piece of poetry! It's one of the strongest poems I've ever read. The passage "So that I may bleed again, to know I'm alive" is wonderful. Very well written!
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This is a very well written piece of thought. Great use of imagery and description throughout. Thank you for your entry!!
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i am not big on dark poetry but i must admit to the mood of this would be dark and expressive in the sense of an abandoned surrender to the awful fate... the skills and talent shine through here...very impressive writing...PK
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Indeed He paid for our sins and gave us a "blank slate". And it was "US" (the sinners) who brought Him to His bitter end... as was planned. Still He cried "Father Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?"
~In case I've forgotten that I still bleed red.~
this line seems to me to suggest that he knew He was mortal but "blood red" reminders always help.
~Internal organs spilling out for all to see~
this lines seems to speak to me of when His side was pierced......
I won't go on with the further notions I have of what this poem might have as an interpretation....
Either way, is is a commendable write that has a great flow to it... Very well worded, the ambiguity is dynamic.... textured in layers eloquently penned.
I give all I can (3 smiling horned bunnies)
until immolation,
homewrecker
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My heart is my canvas, and etched upon its walls
Are the scars: Macabre cave-drawings, from a world away
Fantastic....
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dark, beautiful...a poetic masterpiece, thanks for entering and good luck!
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O.O
HOLY SHIT......THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS HOPING FOR!
You've painted a wonderfully dark array of emotions through AMAZING yet gruesome imagery. I LOVE this paragraph:
"Every last piece of me, cannibalized by despair
Gutted and dismembered, my bloodied heart on display
Internal organs spilling out for all to see
But you only turn to laugh in the face of pain."
We get a glimpse of chaotic insanity midst a heavy emotional drive. KUDOS AND GOOD LUCK!
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Very good
The deep pool of emotion poured forth in this work almost drowns the reader in self contemplation feeling each emotion so skillfully enlisted by the author. Abondonment rips at the foundation of the author's existence and causes a migration inwards to the safety of her heart where she barricades himself from the pain of reality and meekly surrenders to her feelings. A somewhat surreal over the edge mixture of emotions that speak of discontentment within the author's sphere of influence. Your words paint the scene with descriptive words that bring the essence of your experience into our conscious mind and we can walk in your shoes for a short time and feel what you feel.
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Evil
This is awesome. I'm still thinking about the double-meaning. Hopefully I'll figure it out soon, but in the mean time thank you for entering and good luck.
~nicky
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very dark write good luck in the contest
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It does have its dark elements but they seem pretty tame for me. To get to the level of darkness I see in my brain, is a darkness no one should want.
Anyway, enough about me.
I found nothing coherently wrong with this poem, I thought perhaps it would read better left-aligned, but, that's totally up to you, of course.
A nice poem that you have written here.
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I don't know why I like poems like this, it's like getting hooked on horror movies. I'm all crazy about renting them and then I wish I hadn't. Fortunately this was just gruesome, not scary. I can sleep without the lights. Again, blood + me = queezy but I guess I like the thrill. thanks for the entry and good luck
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Powerful...Descriptive Wording
The portrait you have painted with words is crystal clear in my mind that, the pain you felt/feel; through the powerful word you've chosen, I can feel...This is an excellent write...I enjoyed feasting my eyes on it...A round of applause to you...Peace
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wow...that, was just amazing, its like some one took the meaning of one of my poems and made the poem better wow!! great poem.
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My soul bleeds into the creamy white abyss
No tombstone to commemorate my greatest loss.
This death of a love, my legacy forever
With only the wind's mournful cry as my epitaph
And impale my heart upon a stake, so that I am
An example to fools, who dare to believe.
Gruesome indeed but sad and beautifuly written at the same time.
Could you be writing about the pain a parent feels as their child marries someone whom they do not approve or is it a lover that that has left them at the altar?
Excellent write and Good luck with the contest!
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"For it was you who brought me to my bitter end."
I love that part. I would dedicate this to someone, but he'd call me emo and I'm not having that. This is the reason why I'm coming to see you. You must sit down and teach me how to write like you, dear Mistress...if my paws don't get in the way. **purr, lick**
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My soul bleeds into the creamy white abyss
Screaming into the hollow void, created by sorrow.
My heart is my canvas, and etched upon its walls
Are the scars: Macabre cave-drawings, from a world away.
Each verse is a voice, stabbing the silence
Tearing through the tapestries of my life.
And each word, a blade, which slices my soul
So that I may bleed again, to know I'm alive
In case I've forgotten that I still bleed red.
You amaze me with your words. This is brilliant. I think you write so well darkness and pain. Thank you for the brilliant words and thank you for your talent in this contest. Good luck. -
This was definitely a gruesome write. I enjoyed the physical playing with the mental imagery game, which is what evil is all about. Good luck in the contest!!
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