The fire went out
the day you died.
Darkness consumes my heart each day.
Nothing seems to shine anymore.
I asked you not to go near that house.
I knew danger was lurking around,
Waiting for some innocent girl
to wonder it's way.
All those crimson colored roses were a trap.
I know you heard them whispering your name
through the rain.
In reality it was him,
He sat in the shadows
waiting to pounce.
As you got comfortable,
You didn't see him creep up behind.
No screams were to be heard.
Inside the smell of decay
poisoned your lungs.
Causing you to choke.
Understanding something was terribly wrong,
You tried to stay still.
As the Demon began to caress you,
Tieing you down to the table of horror.
It glittered with death,
of course.
The fury began to take over.
Your poor little body,
could not take his weight.
As he pounded you.
Cutting you deep inside
with each thrust,
You did bleed.
The pain he caused
sent shivers up and down his body.
Choking you as he came.
Your stone-like eyes
were fixed on him,
As you lay lifeless
Dead to the world now.
But that wasn't enough.
Your ivory white skin,
Called his name.
He brought that dagger down
to draw out your blood.
Cutting you up into pieces.
Feeling the warm, sticky liquid
on his fingers;
He put your heart to his lips.
That's when I began to drown.
I felt my love for you
being sucked right out of me.
Though I was nowhere near to save you.
I am haunted by happy memories of you.
Life has never been the same.
He got away with this deletable murder.
Robbing you of life,
Your soul is trapped in his attic now.
I try to close this book
But I want to embrace you once more
I need to kiss your sweet innocent face
But the cloak of love has been destroyed
Leaving me dead to this world
without you
Author notes
trying something new
( i just wrote and then your contest popped up so i want to enter this as one of my first entries but i know it needs to be SICKER so i will work on another on!)
youandmegoodbye
A contest entry
- SICK AND TWISTED 8- ( SPECIAL HALLOWEEN EDITION ) by Acidanthra.
2190 points, ended September 20, 2007, 24 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Real Poetry Contest by Oedhel.
525 points, ended October 20, 2007, 25 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Great write, liked the imagery and creepyness to it.
Thank you for the entry and good luck
**Ktulu Blackwolfe** -
It's definately different, it's long, but interesting, it's kinda a remembrance and lots of pain too. Great job
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Results...
Originality: 4/4 Morbidly original.
Rhythm: ¾ It had its own rhythm to it, but no discernable one.
Wording: 4/4 Imagery was great.
Ease of Reading: 4/4 Flowed well.
Final Score: 15/16
For a more extensive critique contact me after the close of the contest.
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A haunting and flighting write
Excellent write with so much imagery and darkness. You had me on the end of my chair with each and every word, Thanks for entering
LISA
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hell yesh i loved it so beautifull i have a vived mind and this was perfect truly truly a great poem havent seen one witten like thta in awile
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YOU ROCK THANKS SOOO... VERY MUCH FOR READING THIS POEM I WORKED REALLY HARD ON THIS ON!!!
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That was an excellent poem. Sorry I closed my contest before you could enter, because I really like this piece. It was well written with spectacular descriptions. The flow was also great. Again, sorry I closed the contest early on you. If I had known that more people were going to enter, I would have kept it open, but I guess it's too late now. At least you managed to write an outstanding poem, even if you didn't get to enter it.
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This was so sad! And very dark indeed. Being that I've been watching hte show Supernatural lately, I thought of that... because it deals with demons killing loved ones. Wonderfully penned... the imagery and flow were excellent. Good Work! Thanks for entering
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wow. this is sick definately but its so much more than that.
As the Demon begin to caress you, (should be Demons or begins)
otherwise this is some true dark poetry. excellent job and good luck
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you know i think you did something here that i know i need to, thank you for being a muse to me, keep it flowing and good luck in the contests
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Darker Than I expected
Wow, I would have never thought you would take this route this far... such a delightful surprise. This was written really well and held my attention without faltering from start to finish.
I try to close the this book - Drop the "the" (i'm sure it was a typo.
and if you do make this "SICKER" I'm first in line to read this.
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I think it was a rather good poem! For this contest, the reason for the winner will be my own little secret. That will keep everyone proud of their work. I will not ask anyone to revise it. What I read is what I am going to get.
Very well done!!
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