Give me the gift of something real
More than just some limping phrase
A secret so deep, it hurts to reveal
Words to set my ears ablaze
More than just some limping phrase
I want you to stutter and blush
Words to set my ears ablaze
Spill out a scorching rush
I want you to stutter and blush
Lay bare your hidden memory
Spill out a scorching rush
So I will know you love me
Lay bare your hidden memory
A secret so deep, it hurts to reveal
So I will know you love me
Give me the gift of something real
Author notes
Mallig http://allpoetry.com/poem/3347634
A contest entry
- The Pantoum Challenge by Denierim.
2000 points, ended September 30, 2007, 16 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I don't know
..This form, but it matters not, because I do know what I like when I see/read it! This would be one of those, I really liked this a whole lot! it was just wonderful to read!
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woww this is so nice
ireally enjoyed reading
such a nice pantoum poem
im bookmarking this right away
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You chose excellent phrase for the repeating lines, and it held the context of the thought well! It almost seemed like a teasing in a way? Sometimes we only "think" we want to know? Better off NOT to...
Awesome form work!
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woww nice pantoum im really honored to have u as a friend and read your talented hands work on the blank pages to no offence but this deserves more than a HM well thats my opinion its stilll awesome
good lucks *goes to read more of mallig*
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a difficult form in which to place subtle nuance and expression because of the repetition and limited numbers of new verses, so this is so very pleasing that it has these and maintains meter and a distinct relatable voice throughout... a most remarkable pantoum...PK
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An interesting subject which works well in the pantoum. Your lines are wel worked out for the repition, though I did find the differances in line left a little awkward.
Over all a good solid pantoum which I enjoyed reading.
Andrew -
ooh, nice poem. Of course, some secrets just aren't meant to be revealed, and it's best not to know them. Of course, some should be told, and it is a matter of trust in love...
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Such a sweet poem of love. It's funny how you were able to twist the poem to wait for a simple answer from the other person. It's important to know what the other person thinks, that's the fact of love.
The only problem with me was the flow/rhythm part. There were a few places, like the slightly longer lines, that seemed to break it off time to time.
Good work with this one; you really did a great job with this!
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