The original:
"Have Mercy On me"
Eternity is waiting for me but I don’t have wings to fly!
Solitary tears are gushing in embrace with bitter sighs.
O the chains of sorrow! Have mercy on my rainy eyes!
Maybe my ambitious spirit soars to reach the azure sky.
Reversion:
“My body! Why wouldn’t you accept?!”
Hail to my wounded weary spirit;
That more lonely than ever is waiting;
Waiting for deliverance…
Deliverance to join eternity…
Eternity devoid from transience and mortality;
My soul doesn’t accept my body;
My soul is ready to leave…to FLY
But why is it still surrendered to the body, again?!
Why am I still here with ringed tears in my eyes,
Ready to drop down, again?!
Tears as delicate as dews of autumn garden
And patting the rosy cheek of body’s regret
Ah, I’m still looking up to the sky
And waiting for years in vain!
Waiting for revealing a forgotten bitter truth
that isn’t mine…while it is.
I’ll repress tears, again…
And won’t let cloudy eyes rain;
And leave silence on its own;
And won’t let mirror break of woe, again.
I’ll make the sky shout;
Call the birds to a symphonious;
And keep on my way that much
TO MAKE THE BODY ACCEPT!
A contest entry
- Contest: A Makover... Partners In Crime Group Members Only by Partners In Crime.
600 points, ended September 20, 2007, 7 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Hail to my wounded weary spirit;
That more lonely than ever is waiting;
i feel this change the cloudy eyes to sunshine eyes, a good poem
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My poetry is now fortunate enough to recieve words from u, again! YAY! Thank you, man!!
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Well your desire to be with your God,with tears up to the sky wondering why you cannot be there,You are full of questions, Am I nor good enough? You seem to understand that God is soverign and you are a part of his plan .There is a reason why you are here...Very thoughtful write...and draws one closer to God and his plan for mam.
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Marvellous ! Dear Masoomeh, your words travel straight to the heart. Specifically, this poem is really very strongly written; the stream of inspiration behind these lines must be gushing forth with full force to have generated such a beautiful and powerful work, Masha Allah.
I liked the balancing factor that concluded the poem thereby putting forth a realistic resolution about the intriguing debate on the conflict between the physical and the metaphysical.The nourishment of the spirit should always prevail over the physical, overshadowing the body without completely hiding it into absolute insignificance.
Last but not at all the least, the impact of your imagery is as indelible as ever. You surely deserved an honourable win, if not more. Congratulations !!! Keep your bewitching pen dipped in ink forever !
With prayers,
Your sister
Naila.
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Oh wow...this is a hard one...The revised one has so much sadness, explained so much emotions..it made me sad too...
My soul doesn’t accept my body;
My soul is ready to leave…to FLY
But why is it still surrendered to the body, again?!
Why am I still here with ringed tears in my eyes,
Ready to drop down, again?!
Make the sky shout, and the birds sing...you would be surprised what their song will do to your soul
Good luck in this contest
XXJeannette
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Very well done especially the revised one, it has more detail and really makes you think. Love it
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Very nice. Your a good poet, and I love your revised version.
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very nice, i don't remember seem anyone does this before, but let me tell you this one went strait for the soul, this piece is not made for weak mind, make you think about a lot of things.
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Hey Vernal
I was on my way to visit this on the group contest board, I actually liked them both...I hate this, because I want both and I don't want to chose...wow, you really have a way with your Poerty that stands out and grabs the readers.
Great revision....Ephiphany
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This is awesome, Massy. Your original is an ivite for more and you've revised it very well, expanding it while still keeping the spirit of the original.
Good job and good luck in the contest
love ya
Auntie Dee
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