perhaps she will see herself in the morning
when sunlight touches her face,
remember a man part in shadow next to her;
or she will catch her image in the evening
when softer shades make her even more beautiful
remember my gaze as moon over desert sands;
and in the beginning of sleep
in a dream of the other side of the glass
she will remember my hopes for love;
close her eyes and see me, all of me.
Author notes
"You've no idea how hard I've looked for a gift to bring You.
Nothing seemed right. What's the point of bringing gold
to the gold mine, or water to the Ocean. Everything I came
up with was like taking spices to the Orient. It's no good
giving my heart and my soul because you already have these.
So- I've brought you a mirror. Look at yourself and
remember me."
Jalaluddin Rumi
In a list
A contest entry
- Quote Inspired Quickie - 10 x 10 x 1 hour by CarolDesjarlais.
525 points, ended September 13, 2007, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PIF - Bring A Quote by Errant Panther.
450 points, ended November 9, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 50 of 50
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This peom made my heart ache. The words are so elegant, touching.. but also, I feel pain. It made me think of someone who has passed away, stealing the only moments they can in the eyes, heart and memory of the one they left behind.
Love can bring agony, and agony brings experience, and experience is what propels us forward in life.
Bravo Poet
Criss -
This is beautiful, it seems almost a continuation of the quote that inspired it...remember my gaze as moon over desert sands..sublime. As ever lovely to read you.
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I forgot to applaud.
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I'm unsure which I liked more: the poem before reading the author notes, or after.
Mm...probably after. But regardless, I really liked it. -
wow!!
this write was more than amazing! keep up the good work! looking forward to reading more..
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Oohh.. this was just beautiful.. Words are not really enough to explan how great this is.. The image your words bring is a great one... The emotion in it, you can feel just by reading this... Great write!!
Peace to you, J. -
A love like this... is what the world dreams of... what I dream of. Breathtaking!!!
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Wonderfully penned. You have such a flair. thanx, conni
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the notes were lovely too
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Beautifully written...great imagery in your writing. Nice write.
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this is very beautiful - such honest hopes from your pen..I love this..
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This is beautiful. I like how it sounds, and it's nice to read aloud.
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Oh my..This is one lovely piece..Im always amazed with your poems..your ability to write words is exceptional..and Oh that Rumi quotes one of my favorite one of his..wonderful job my friend
Amarige -
Wow
Beautiful flow, beautiful words, beautiful feelings. Your poem is beautiful.
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you are very good in having this as one of your personal favs, Its very beautiful with an amazing message, like I think i have said before i do love love poetry, and Rumi.. is Rumi, and this one in my personal opinion had a Neruda tone to it, which made it so pleasant... excellent job.. I read a few times, beautiful......
Leslie
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Thank you Leslie
for your kind words, Neruda, Rumi two of my favorite writers; each put so much on a page...amazing...PK
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Oh... this was like... so breathtaking. I was caught from the beginning and it held me until the end. So wonderful!
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This is stunning poem..and I love Rumi poetry..big fan here..your words are absolutely wonderful..great job
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so much longing
that's really a beautiful write. "she will catch her image in evening" - I like that as well as "moon over desert sands." I think it's faithful to the mood and spirit of the Rumi quote.
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Interesting quote and a nice interpretation of it expressed in your poem. very well done, thanks for sharing and best wishes.
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You have a way of writing about topics that cut to the real insides of a person. On the surface only, this is a poem about a mirror's reflection . . . often times it can be the most terrifying of presentations . . . but with this, you have offered something that captures the true definition of love - when you can see yourself as the reflection for the one you call 'my love'. Another wonderful read!
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Thank you Lilith
I am gratified by your comments, yes it is a rare thing to truly "see" or "be seen", so much of what we perceive is based on other things than what is within... what seems to really matter...Thank you so much for your wonderful insights...PK
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wow that was great. could u look at my stuff and tell me what u think? please u really have talent.
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wow...
"and in the beginning of sleep
in a dream of the other side of the glass
she will remember my hopes for love;
close her eyes and see me, all of me."
this makes me think of the one i love or the one i want to always remember me! -
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Thank you Andrea
for reading and taking time to leave such a pleasant and thoughtful comment...PK
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oh this was completely gorgeous...
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Stunning! Gosh... wouldn't every woman love to have a poem like this written about her!!
There was something very sensual about it....
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Thank you Jacks
for your kind and generous words, yes sensual i agree... PK
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beautiful
this was a very touching piece, it was sweet without being overdone. I like the way you describe how she might see you as something gentle and beautiful.
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Thank you Rays
for your lovely words and comments and most for taking time to read and leave a comment, so much appreciated...PK
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This is a fantastic piece. I loved how you shifted the emphasis of seeing herself and then seeing you and the hope of love. This is a wonderful piece. One I would comfortably have felt moved in a contest to give a gold
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Thank you Tanzanite
for your wonderful words so very much appreciated... PK -
This piece never won anything on AP, I like it enough to publish it... go figure! ...PK
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Wow, I am so amazed ..so much talent in your pen my friend, this is beautiful and what a great imagery. great job
ps: Big fan of Rumi here
AJ
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lovely...
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Had to come back for a second read.
Renee
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This is ever so lovely. To think that a man could breathe these words so effortlessly into the spirit of the reader is ...oh...I don't know...absolutely breathtaking. This poem should have won a trophy. Simply beautiful!
Much Love & Respect ♥
Renee
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A true Poet
I love this! Wow...
Having read your Gold-winning piece in the PIF contest, I thought I'd drop by and read a bit more of your work.
So glad I did! You are a gifted wordsmith, Sir. You bring light and shade to your work, and marvellous imagery for your reader to savour, and ponder.
Sheer delight. Keep that talented pen moving!
Lou
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Thank you Paradox
I have read a few of your pieces and some were filled with the most enjoyable lightness... you are also remembered well...PK
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I'll read the author notes after, but for now, thanks!
I always think I should look at myself more often, at least once or twice a day
your words for her strike deeply as words for me and him
empathic poet, a love penned beautifully
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and in the beginning of sleep
in a dream of the other side of the glass
she will remember my hopes for love;
close her eyes and see me, all of me.
Wow,this was very breathtaking.Wow. -
Excellent!
I love the transitioning of the moment and the way you characterize the individuals within this poem.
My favorite lines:
"perhaps she will see herself in the morning
when sunlight touches her face"
Thanks for sharing and keep on writing my friend.
VIRGOAN
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Beautiful poem inspired by the words of Rumi.
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Ah Ha! Congratulations on the Bronze win! I knew this poem had to place. I can feel each stanza. Brilliant imagery and so much love expressed. Beautiful sentiments of your adoration for her. An excellent take on the quote prompt as well. I find Rumi enchanting, and easy to inspire the muse.
Much Love ♥
Renee
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This is a wonderful expression of love and longing! An especially poignant line is, "she will remember my hopes for love;
close her eyes and see me, all of me."
. Rewarded 4
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this is a beautiful poem. Good job!
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This is excellent indeed and gives the reader much to ponder over, excellent imagery painted with well chosen words. A very good take on your given prompt. Thanks for sharing, hope this does well in the contest. Laura x
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yet? ten more minutes...
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Oh quick..yet is here. lol...
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