Circle open, she freely gave.
Her generous heart too open.
Quietly she catalogs their lack of appreciation
Only a miniscule portal now open in the Circle
Her generous heart too open
Painful experience a harsh teacher
Only a miniscule portal now open in the Circle
Busy being themselves, they do not notice her
eyes no longer sparkle
Her generous heart too open
Quietly she catalogs their lack of appreciation
Only a miniscule portal now open in the Circle
Circle open, she freely gave.
A contest entry
- The Pantoum Challenge by Denierim.
2000 points, ended September 30, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Lovely and sad
I like the tempo. Experience can be a harsh teacher. I wish it wasn't so when it comes to a loving open soul that gets taken for granted.
'they do not notice her eyes no longer sparkle', that is what saddens me.
Beautiful piece.
Patty
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I like the message behind these words and I also like the way you used those words. The structure I like also, how there's 2 short lines and 2 longer lines in a time with that one extra line at the end.
The layout caused me a bit of a dislike though. In my opinion, you should consider leaving spaces in between the stanzas you want to use. It would clear this piece up a bit. And maybe make that one extra line all of it's own, separating it from the other text a bit.
This is a good piece but could use a bit of a work in my opinion. But that's just me and we all like different things. Wonderful work nonetheless!
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