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Black Bride ( ADDED ON)

The deep darkness perils

we seek the blood of Satan,

his demons in sky, swirls

the black bride in waitin'

 

We seek the blood of Satan

devouring his hidousness,

the black bride in waitin'

dark ritual that death possess,

 

Devouring his hideousness

inside black candles rage,

dark ritual that death possess;

his power never sees age

 

Inside black candles rage

his demons in sky, swirls

his power never sees age;

the deep darkness perils

 

And we wed in spider's claw

his demons threw maggots;

venges on good, we chainsaw,

bats danced on grave plots

 

His demons threw maggots

devoured the corpses remains

bats danced on grave plots

toasted with blood champagnes,

 

Devoured the corpses remains

silvered heart for main course

toasted with blood champagnes

christened our hateful remorse,

 

Slivered heart for main course

venges on good, we chainsaw;

christened our hateful remorse

and we wed in spider's claw

Author notes

I could add more if you like more

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Comments


  • Denierim
    September 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful imagery with this one. I know this form can be a bit tough but you managed well with it. I was hoping for it to be a bit longer, telling a story a bit deeper, but it works well this way also. It does tell a story of waiting, that was clear, and I liked the small story quite a bit.

    I do think you could have gone further with the imagery, describing it more vivid, though. It could've made it a bit deeper. It works for me this way too, I do like it, but it's just a suggestion. Also I found the lag of semicommal usage (. , ; etc) a bit disturbing.

    Other than that, wonderful work with this piece!

    • Denierim
      September 22, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      I liked the changes you made quite a bit. I like the imagery you used with the poem and how it turned out. I like it better now. Good work!