Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

She Hides

She hides on Halloween night

cause she is not allowed to celebrate it

but most of her friends are allowed

Her head dosen't know what she is thinking

and her heart feels like its beating as slow as a snail

Cause she wondered if her friends would find her sence she is hiding

So she flys and sores to the moon in her imagination

and she plays an instrument that

humans have never heard of it was flottesry 

She'd start to play a song of hers

and everything seems okay to her

and the memories of her troubles of howlaween were gone

Then birds came up and flew up to the moon and started to sing

and her heart knew in that moment that was going

on was a true holiday to her

and then her heart would soar to the heaveans

Her hiding heart had dissapeared and she played

louder and louder with all the exitemennt a person could be filled with

she had realized that her fantasy was her life hopes and daydream

on a howllaween night

and her life was as perfect as a fantasy with no evil pumkins :p

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Option 2
picture h
I don't celebrate Halloween so i don't have much experience.And i dont think evil pumkins are REAL i was joking see lol

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Celticmoon
    November 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    To write something so different, something that shows of those who do not celebrate Halloween is a daring piece indeed in my opinion; but it makes us realize just how different all the cultures around the world are and that not all celebraste the same things. It really makes someone think. Thank you for entering and bast wishes to you.

    Blessings
    Bel


  • leander Moderators member
    November 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You definately have some very original things captured inside this poem, and I like that Especially because Halloween is supposed to be fun for everyone, and this poem describes that it's not celebrated.

    I have also found some oopsies:

    Line 4: 'dosen't' should be doesn't
    Line 6: 'sence' should be since
    Line 7: 'flys' should be flies
    Line 7: 'sores' should be soars
    Line 12: 'Howlaween' should be Halloween
    Line 16: 'heaveans' should be heavens
    Line 18: 'exitemennt' should be 'exitement' (I think)
    Line 20: 'howllaween' should be Halloween
    Line 21: 'pumkins' should be pumpkins

    correct these little mistakes, and this would be a perfect poem

    Thank you for entering this contest - wishing you the best of luck
    Leander


  • Amunet Wolfbane Moderators member
    November 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You've got a few typos in this one (a minor thing)

    6th line "sence" should be "since"
    7th line "sores" should be "soars"
    12th line should be "halloween"

    As for the poem itself, I'm impressed. I really like the originality of it. Its not often we get to read of one that doesn't celebrate or cannot celebrate it, that takes the time to write a piece from that perspective and I think that is brilliant. I also like the affirmation of going within and finding a place to soar and feel free there. This touched me alot and I've lingered on it quite a bit, it makes you think and realize who different people are around the world and take you out of the little realm of ones own culture to explore another and I really dig that. Excellent job on this. It has heart and meaning. Best of luck to you.


  • B Chandler
    November 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    SINCE......not sence


  • HugsForEveryone
    September 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    oops forgot the applause

  • HugsForEveryone
    September 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    LOL. Well I really liked the imagination in this. Wow I really liked this poem. It actually gave me an idea of how the people who don't celebrate it feel. Probably left out, huh?
    Aww well I'm sorry. At least you'll do well in the contest!
    ~Pandy~


  • ten thousand cicadas gold member
    September 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful poem. Very dreamy and wonderful. Good luck in your contest.


  • TheShadowsOfMe
    September 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    nice poem!!!


  • Everwind Rising
    September 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very good poem. It is important that we all have a hiding place to go to. That's why the Lord is our hiding place.

1 - 9 of 9