she really thought he’d be there
like he had promised her he would
but love’s rarely ever fair
and doesn’t work out the way it should
the day he left her on her bed
was the say he said goodbye
just kissed her softly on top her head
and left her there to cry
he never turned back to see her
he thought that she’d be fine
she never forgot the way they were
and the way that moon had shined
she thought of his hand behind her head
and the way he kissed her lips
then thought of the way her heart was shred
at the touch of his fingertips
she couldn’t take it anymore
the charade was wearing thin
she had one foot out the door
and let the monsters in
the ones that cry
the ones that yell
the ones that die
and scream like hell
they mocked her of the tears she cried
showed her what she wouldn’t see
her heart committed suicide
and…that girl was me
Author notes
Accidental Suicide by muffin on a stick.
A contest entry
- ♠ My First AP poem ♠ by Rebekah-Ann.
525 points, ended May 20, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
personal comments?
Comments
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aaw. this is so sad! I hope your heart has healed and the monsters left...
Very lovely poem! Thank you for your lovely entry!
All the best
Becks
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Amazin what else can i say?
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i actually liked this one quite a bit. i liked the part where it said "the way her heart was shred, at the touch of his fingertips" that was good. anywayz, good write.
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Good rhythm and rhyme compelling narrative
You got my attention and took me down that bittersweet path.
Only the last line, revealing as it was, might use a syllable or two to keep the rhythm pattern. Maybe:
"And that girl, that was me."
Or
"And that girl, you see, was me."
Something to that effect, so the rhythm doesn't jolt to a halt before the end of your poem.
One thought before I take off out the house, maybe, is that there are many heartbreak poems and songs. You have to make yours better than the rest. That's the challenge. Why not? Let us feel and help us understand your own experience, how it is unique, or rather how your expression of it rises above the rest, stands out. The mountain is there. You just have to find the path up to the top.
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