Congratulations are in order,
The curtain’s up, but your eyes are down.
Would I be right in saying you’re not happy?
I remember your laugh and your silent tears,
I remember how you used to hold my hand in the rain,
I remember the way you breathed, but you’re just wasting my memory.
All I know is that you’re a fantastic actress.
Now you’ve let me in, I can see what could have been
Instead of what was.
End.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Mother? Romantic partner?
I was leaning toward mother, because it's more of an obliged position of love and care - where feined affection and attention is easier achieved.
I would have started a new line after "breathed". Possibly left a gap/blank line break after "happy?" and "memory"... but no real criticism.
Although not quite the same, this reminded me of a video I watched; http://www.tacmovie.com
=> Jess
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hmm
i've missed out a lot
this is a definite change from what i'm used to reading
this definitely makes me think of a song....perhaps the start of one?
anyways, i love the shortness of it, drives the point farther in to the reader.
how've you been dear?
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-Nice-
I can see where ya went with this.
Very powerful poem here.
Short, yet to the point.
Thanks for sharing, keep up the great works.
I really liked this, peace, poeticweaver.
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